Growing up

Hi let me start off by saying what i am to tell
I have never spoken of. It took place over several years and into my adulthood.
My dad past away last year and this has been
A secret that i have kept literally forever.
I am 45 now married and happy.
As far back as i can remember this was normal life for me. Mon and dad both worked. Dad worked day shift mom worked evenings as far back as i can remember.
Looking back today I realize what dad was doing and it was wrong. But in my eyes at time i had no idea
The earliest i can remember was in summer.
Mom and dad did jot get much time together because of working hours. I had a brother that was a year younger than me. At the time i was 5 or 6.
I can remember Mom would be getting ready for work in afternoon and as soon as dad got home she would leave and not be home till after we was in bed.
Mon left dad went and got a shower and Tom my brother and i was watching tv.
Dad came in sometime later and changed the channel so my brother left and went to play in his room.
I started to go to mine but dad stoped me and had me set with him.
We were alone on couch. This seems to me it was first time in the events that followed for years. I sat with him and we talked about stuff
I don’t recall details. But I remember he had me stand up with my back to him he had me standing between his legs.
He leaned forward I remember his arm around me and his cold hand on my belly under my shirt. He kissed my neck and ear I remember he puller down my shorts and his hand touching my butt. He whispered in my ear that my butt was round like mommies.
He pulled me on his lap setting , i can remember something warm and stiff between my legs.( i know now and in week to come what it was) But this time I didn’t and he moved me up and down rubbing between my legs. He was breathing in my ear as he came.
This went on for weeks . He told me to keep it our secret. One evening when we went to bed he came in my room leaving light off I still had not saw his dick yet. In the dark he had me suck him. He out my hands in him and had me suck on tip till he came. I remember I thought he pee in my mouth.
After that he had me do it every day.
As i got older mom was always strict with me.
One weekend i had gotten out of shower and i went to my room just in my panties i was about 10 at time mom had followed me and gave me a tung lashing for not covering up around dad.
Mom always treated my brother better.
I was 11 or 12 when Dad took my cherry.
I remember i was bleeding and mom found out and told me it was my period.
And i never said otherwise.
I slept with dad all the time until i Went to college.
Afte dad passed I’ve been empty
I miss him. I know what we did was wrong
Niw with my husband i think if dad when we are in bed. Its my secret but it works for me.

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