Humiliation

Have constantly battled with that situation myself but I appear as a typical blue collar hard working guy

Didn't finish my thought, with a bizzare secret sissy fantasy. Literally want someone to push me into submission in front of my girl or with her and into a feminized role to be man handled for being weak and not tough enough. Big difference in play and real deal higher brain wants it apparently but animal brain wants to fight to the death once triggered

Buy a gun

I want you to be my submissive slut.

Do you have an email sweetie?

Fetish dating sites. Most people into dom/sub know and respect rules and boundaries. Try alt.com or something similar

In most of your larger urban areas you can find BDSM groups who are a mixture of ages, ethnicity, and sexual orientation. It varies, but, they usually meet once a week in rented "play spaces", which usually requires a cover to get in. Fetish wear is encouraged in these places, but not required. There's usually somebody in charge and newbie orientation can be provided. You will see people in various stages of dress and undress. Please note * If you take off your clothes people are going to look. People playing are "scening" and the scenes are to be observed with quiet respect. Sex of any kind, particularly anything involving an ejaculating penis is forbidden. Dildoes are a different story, I've seen them used on women and men. There are, usually, " DM's " or dungeon monitors wandering about and they are trusted group members trained to look for signs of things that break the common motto of "safe, sane, and consensual. " Drinking alcohol and drug use is forbidden. These semi-public play spaces are a safe bet to try things out, and can usually be done by chatting up a dom or top, man or woman.
Sometimes these groups meet during the day at cafes and such for what's known as "munches". Fetish wear is highly discouraged here. It's quite informal and is a great way to get to know folks, and discuss levels of experience and what you'd like to try.
Depending on your frequency of attending the semi-public play spaces and munches you may eventually get invited to a private party. This is usually at someone's house. Basements and garages are converted into play spaces and you'll see lots more nudity. You may even see some sex including the evil ejaculating penis, but, that's rare even at private parties.
I hope this helps you, and I wish you safe travels in this new world.

Patience and ease into it.