My biggest secrets.
I am sexually attracted to my cousin who is a few years younger than me. I went so far to secretly record her naked. The guilt is so unbearable that I did such a disgusting, immoral thing. I regret it all. Its wrong. Shes my cousin, so that's very wrong. I hate myself for doing such a thing. I deleted all of the pictures, all the recordings. The guilt has gotten so bad. I want to put the past behind me. I need to move on from my mistakes. I couldnt imagine what my family, friends, or even maybe a GF would think of me if i told them what i have done. They would probably disown me, my cousin would never talk to me, she's a awsome person. And she does not deserve anyone to do this to her. Im afraid of holding this secret forever. I need to let it out, and say i messed up, i want to move on, i just made a stupid misjudgment.
Another thing i did. i could hear my upstairs neighbor listening to porn one night. Shes in her 30s. Really cute. There is no insulation in the house. I can hear right through the floors. So one day i Secretly listened to her masturbate and did so for quite some time. I even installed a microphone to aid in hearing her. I had the worlds biggest guilt i have ever felt in my life. I took a step back and couldn't realize what i was doing. I removed everything. And just stopped listening in. Destroyed the microphone, the device. I need to stop doing things that are wrong and i find pleasuring. And need to grow up. I feel sorry for my mistakes, and want to move on. I feel very guilty for these two things i have done. Those are the two biggest regrets i have in my life. I was recently diagnosed with heart disease, two months ago. The kind i have is a very rare type of heart disease, many people die before this type is detected. I survived some how. I guess this is carma for my stupidity. I just hope i dont die. I want to see a psychologist, psychiatrist, social worker. Whatever i need to do to move on. And fix my messed up head. I need to change my thoughts. My ways. I will change. I promise. I want to change.