My wild fetishes and fantasies
I am curious about how and why I have some kinky desires from time to time. Some are no doubt borne of early life experiences.
There are definite humiliation aspects to some fantasies. I have always been attracted to women, hot girls, and have had sexual relationships with many girlfriends, and one wife. But I have also had bisexual or homosexual fantasies, and still have them.
A college girlfriend once persuaded me to let her put makeup on me when we were alone in the bedroom of my apartment. I wasn't able to see myself in a mirror until she had completed the makeover. She even styled my medium length hair in a feminine style. When she was done she pointed me toward the mirror and told me I could open my eyes. I was absolutely stunned. I saw a VERY pretty, and sexy looking girl looking back at me, and her jaw fell open at the same time mine did. I was turned on, aroused, and embarrassed that I was turned on. My gf laughed hysterically as she saw my reaction. She was having a laugh at my expense. She balked when I told her to remove the makeup, saying it had taken too long to put it on to take it off that quickly. So I consented to her wishes, again. She told me to talk like a girl, to say something a girl would say. I said something about shopping because I didn't want to embarrass myself further in front of her. But she wanted more, so she directed me to call her a hussy and tell her to stay away from my boyfriend, and stuff like that. So I began cat fighting with her using a girl's voice. She again burst into hysterical laughter. I got the sense that she thought it was funny because, 1 she could tell I was turned on, and 2 that I could so easily act and speak like a girl, with feminine mannerisms. I easily put on a girl's personality.
It angered me that she was laughing at my expense. After all, this wasn't my idea, it was hers. I felt tricked into revealing a sissy side, revealing that I was aroused by looking and acting like a girl. That embarrassed me. If she had not shown that she was laughing at my expense I might have played along with her. But because she was laughing at me, like I was busted as a latent sissy faggot, I insisted that she remove the makeup.
Still, in my quiet times I often recalled how sexy I looked as a girl, and how turned on I was. The makeup made me look like a sexy girl, like my lips could make guys' dicks hard. I imagined my lips wrapped around a hard penis, and my tongue licking the underside of the head, the way my gf did when she gave me a blowjob.
I've always had a nice butt. Girls love it. It is plump and muscular, not round like a girls but still somewhat girly looking. I fantasized about wearing a short skirt, thinking about how sexy my ass would look. That really turns me on. I also enjoyed putting improvised dildoes up my ass, imagining getting fucked in front of women. I imagined being persuaded by some girls to get dolled up in sexy clothes and makeup for a costume party or something. I thought of the girls gently teasing me, but not laughing at me. They encouraged me to do it, assuring me there was nothing weird about it since it was just a costume. I had lots of fantasies about this.
In one I was hired to be entertainment at an adult party of rich people at the Breaker's Hotel in Palm Beach, FL. I thought of the embarrassment I would enjoy as ladies there encouraged me, giggled, and trained me in walking with sexy hips. They also enjoyed making me blush by telling me how hot I was making the men at the party, and that I would lose my virginity at the party. They loved seeing how flustered this made me, how I sort of stuttered about not really being a sissy faggot, that I just enjoy pretending to be a girl and looking sexy. They would then reassure me that everything was fine, and I would have a good time. And they gently remind me that as entertainment at the party, I might be required to pleasure the men, and didn't I think that was exciting to think about?
They would help me break the ice. When some man pulls out his hard penis and motions for me to come to him the ladies encourage me to go ahead. The man pulls me into his lap and has me give him a lap dance, masturbating him with my lubed up butt cheeks, which arouses me greatly. The man spins me around and pushes me to my knees in front of him. I am now committed. If I don't go ahead and give him what he wants, I will just be a prick teaser, and I know I can't do that. So I go ahead and begin sucking him, enjoying how dirty and naughty it feels, enjoying the feeling of a hard dick in my mouth. And I feel good, a little proud, that I know just how to use my tongue on his dick. I can hear him moan and grunt involuntarily as I suck his dick, and I enjoy that. I am aware that people are watching me give him a blowjob, and can see my smooth ass up in the air as I suck him off. I know men can see my cute ass and are thinking of fucking me. The butt plug in my ass is stimulating me, making me horny. The cock cage keeps me from getting hard, and I like this. It makes me more girly, and it keeps me from cumming like a man cums. I feel a man's hands on my ass and between my legs. He pulls out the butt plug and begins rubbing the head of his dick up and down between my ass cheeks, making me moan around the dick in my mouth. I hear the women giggling and talking to each other about me. Finally I feel his dick circling my anus, and then pressing its way inside my ass, stretching me wide. I turn my toes inward and try to open my ass to him, trying to make my hole bigger so it doesn't hurt so much, as I make the alarmed, concerned sounds of an anal virgin taking in her first dick, still muffled by the dick in my mouth.
As I relax more he begins ramming his dick up my ass, and I eventually can't stand it and have an anal orgasm, bucking my hips back at his thrusts, emitting long moans as cum dribbles out of my cock cage.
So obviously I have had some serious humiliiation, exhibitionist, sissy fantasies. Like many guys, when I masturbate to these fantasies, I experience post orgasmic guilt and immediately lose all arousal over the fantasy.
Why do I have these fantasies? I am not attracted to men the way gay guys are. I have never seen a guy and wanted to be with him, I have never wanted a boyfriend. I just sometimes think about the arousal I experienced from looking like a girl, and recall the fantasies associated with that. When I imagine myself made up and dressed like a sexy girl, I think about sex with dicks. A big part of the fantasy is the embarrassment I feel from having women watch me and tease me about being a sissy fag. I think this fetish is common to sissies, so I guess I have a real sissy side, at least in fantasies.
Another fetish I have is a desire to lick the asses of hot girls, I mean their assholes. I don't know how enjoyable this is for women. I know some women like it but others are not that turned on by it, and some may be turned off by it. I have a very strong oral urge, wanting to go down on girls, lick their clits, eat their pussies, and rim their asses. Is this partly because I feel somewhat inadequate? I want to be sure that any girl who has sex with me is satisfied. My penis is slightly below average. I base this from the many studies I have read online about the average penis size for men.
I know I have satisfied several women I've had sex with, I have given them orgasms. Some have been very pleased. Still I have an inferiority complex when it comes to my penis size. I gather this is quite common among men. Is that because porn sites usually feature men with above average size penises? Anyway, I often feel nervous and worry about my ability to satisfy women.
I know that fantasies are usually much hotter in my mind than they are in real life. That has been my experience. And I also know that I feel very differently about the sissy fantasies after I have cum, and usually feel very glad that I merely jacked off to them instead of acting out on them. Certainly there could be very serious social consequences if I acted out on these fantasies and people I know somehow found out about them. Given the unbiquitous video camera situation in modern times, it would be very easy to be filmed by someone without realizing it. Such a video could make it nearly impossible to hold down a job, at least for me.
I know that some girls like playing with sissies, or with bisexual men. I sometimes fantasize about playing with girls like them.
But most of the time I think about being the man, being what the girl fantasizes about. That makes me feel good, and good about myself.
Anyway, I wanted to post this and see if anyone has any thoughts on it, any thoughts at all.