I wish this happened to me earlier

I used to have a massive crush on my best friend. I was gay for him, I always fantasized about him. We're still teenagers, but back when we were 14 he was like 6ft, black curly hair, toned body. But he also was almost openly homophobic. He must have been compensating for the fact that he has been gay all along, but he made me too scared to tell him how I felt. Of course I gave up and never told him, and I've went on to get a girlfriend who I've been with for 2 years. Now we're both 17 and work together, and 3 weeks ago he showed me how he felt. We were in an office, just the two of us, and we got into a conversation about our history somehow. Anyways it got emotional, and he said something like "I'm so glad you're in my life". And he turned to me and we looked at each other for a few seconds. Out of nowhere he grabbed me and pushed me against the wall. Before I had time to speak he started kissing me hard. He held my arms down with one hand like nothing, and was pressing my face deeper into his with the other hand. He was going in so passionately and hard, and started using his tongue. Ignoring the consequences, I started kissing back. We made out heavily for at least 2 minutes or something, and then he let go and said "Do you want to suck my dick?" At this point I started getting my breath back and thinking, and I went "no mate, that's enough right now". He smiled and took a piece of gum out his mouth. "Open" he said and I opened my mouth for him to put it in. He squeezed my dick and left. For the last 3 weeks he would come up to me and start squeezing my dick or kissing me. He became my boss at work so I have to do what he says. I've slept with him 5 times since, but I was trying my best not to have sex. The first 4 times I just gave blowjobs and handjobs, but the 5th time he lost his patience and fucked me. I am basically in his tight bind where I can't do anything. If this happened 2 years ago it would have been amazing for me and I would have been so happy. But now every single time he touches me, I feel so bad because I love my girlfriend and I'm basically cheating on her. And I can't stop it.

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  • Dude. That’s rape. You CAN stop it

  • Yeah but he's been my best friend for like 7 years, and if I stop I will lose him as a friend, and I will get fired from my job, meaning I will have trouble finding other jobs (because it will be really awkward, and I only have a specific amount of qualifications and then will have "fired" on my CV) I mean I'm gonna have to stop it sooner or later but it's going to be really bad for me either way

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