I should be being loved more
I feel like less of a person that I can't clean up and be the person they want me to be any more. but its not like they gave much back after all the cleaning I did for them. here it is I am still the loser paying for their holidays and I should be going away myself with a man I love that shits me off. I know I am throwing in a very very naughty should here to expect love. but fucking inanimate objects and being raped and molested by uglies has been no fun and not my idea of love. yeh, when we come back things will be so upheavaled that they will have to keep cleaning and changing shit around. I can't see how that cupboard can't fit in her ensuite, and I don't like the idea of my clothing in the hall where anyone can see it, can we put a sheet over it to cover it up at least? mom has no idea what she is doing, so long as she is doing something. but she caused all this clothing haul shopping I never wanted this sort of life, she has broken me and I feel betrayed and a victim of her and everyone. everyone was out to do this to me. you can see we were deprived as kids of clothing, holidays and safety and permanency. we were not the best dressed kids in the street unlike karolyn who I can see has too many expectations I could never live in a marriage like that. she can't expect me to. why does nikki enjoy abusing me? he was a man not a girl. why does he think he can abuse me with man talk bullying. that I need kicks up the bum that I deserve bad things when he was the man not a child not a girl.
i am sick of this dirty game. I want out.
I love someone else. i want to be with calmer richer loving peaceful people and not living like this.
so I didn't make this pigsty. you did mom and dad and those who abused me. you didn't want your daughters married and working. own what you have done.