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Vent before work...
I am a man. I am34. I am bisexual. I am divorced. I am In a stable relationship with a great girl.
I'm a felon.
I caught new charges this year for some things that happened in 2015.
I found out about the investigation just over a year ago.
I spiraled.
Hard.
I am doing a lot of meth and having a lot of sex with randoms.
I'm so far gone and I don't even really care anymore.
I have consciously given into every vice and no one in my life is aware of any of it.
I am getting ready for work right now, I'm a waiter, I've been up for a solid 48 hours.
I have been home alone since 9:00 am , it's 3:30 now and in that block of time I have been fucked twice and let them both cum in my mouth.
After work tonight I'm supposed to get a coworker high and we're going to fuck some place semi public.
I'm not working tomorrow and I plan to spend all day fucked up and having sex.
I am not sure if this passive aggressive suicide or just an attempt to distract myself from the fear of losing everything to another incarceration.
I lost 3 years last time and I doubt very much I can do it again.
Mostly I just want it all to stop.
I fantasize sometimes that one of these CL randoms will just cut my throat as he tears my ass apart with his cock.
That would satisfy the most perverse parts of me I think.
Other people don't think this way.
I am lost and intentionally wandering further into the darkness. A social experiment Tyler Durden would be proud of.
I just needed to say it. Somewhere. To someone.
Thanks for listening Dear Reader, whoever you are.
You say you are in a great relationship with a great girl, perhaps you should let her go. You can't love her if you are cheating. Consider getting a new life away from all the people that are pulling you down.
Maybe, you should think about moving and changing jobs. You could live with family for a while. Get away from people like that and all the things you know and maybe find something better. You have already said that you aren't happy where you are. Sometimes, getting away from bad people can help you change the patterns in your life. This is what I would do and find a nice girl who want the things you want.
I feel for you. I've been there. You need a good, sober friend. If you want to reply, I'd like to try and help you. I'm a bi guy too.
Shit baby, don't do yourself like that.