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I feel embarrassed
Recently I went to Mexico with a couple of my girlfriends. I'm an 18 year old girl, usually shy and I've never really had a boyfriend by choice. Throughout my vacation this one sleazy fuck would try to pressure me into his room for sex and I always said no. We will call him John because I have no idea what his name was. I found him disgusting personality wise. The resort had a club and one of the last nights I was there I had a bit too much to drink but still coherent. I ran into John and one of his drunk friends and they began hitting on me. I don't know why, but I didn't fight it this time. I wish I did. We went onto the beach and I got naked and gave them both handjobs. I feel really dirty now and I wish I never did that.
It happens. I helped a long-time female friend move, and, for years, avoided her obsession with me. She had a real, heavy thing for me. After the rest of the moving help left that night, it was just she and I. We were unpacking, and she's asking me "Where did we put.." whatever, like a couple who just moved in as opposed to one friend helping another.
We ended up sitting on her bed, trading a few liplocks, and, I gave in and had sex with her, staying the night. Maybe it was that feeling of being a couple, or maybe, since I did find her sexy, I just gave in for the hell of it. When I left, I wasn't embarrassed, but, was worried that she'd now think this was something, when, it was only a night of sex. My mistake. I only felt bad because I know she's also a bit crazy.
A handjob is nothing. Relax, as far as drunken mistakes go, that was nothing. And just about everyone has made a drunken mistake. If you are really bothered by this, just use it to remember that drinking too much and getting separated from friends who can protect you leads to trouble, and don't do it again. When you are ready, and you have found the guy you want to be your first, you can do everything you ever wanted to do sexually with him and feel good about it. You are fine girl. I certainly don't think any less of you.
At least you didn't fuck them a blow job is nothing babe