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I destroyed my relationship with my female cousin.
My female cousin and I have always been so close, more like brother and sister. I love her so much. I am 46 years old, however, when I was in my early 20's, and she was 18, we were driving home from one of my dart league games when she started to talk a little dirty. Eventually she came right out and told me how much she LOVES to give head and how good she was at it. At this point I had pulled over and parked so we could talk. She was drop dead gorgeous and I had already had sexual feelings toward her so I figured "Now is the time." She continued to tell me how good she was at giving head and I told her "I don't care how many times you have given head. Experience comes with age, not just how many times you've done it". She then became very comfortable in the passenger seat and I asked her if I could touch her breasts. She smiled at me and said "Go for it". I was so very nervous about this but I wanted her SO bad. I touched her breasts and her nipples perked right up. I then leaned over and kissed her lips and we made out SO passionately. I was shaking the whole time thinking how wrong this was but I got so turned on my hard on grew so fast. Before I knew it I had her shirt and bra off and I was sucking on her nipples as she moaned. I don't remember touching her crotch, I might have. Now, I am 46 years old and I recently was very drunk and confessed to her over the phone ALL of the things I want to do to her sexually. She has now literally kicked me out of her life and has told SEVERAL of our family members. She will not talk to me at all. I feel like such an asshole. All these years since we messed around that night I really thought she wanted me like I want her. I messed up so bad, I am so embaressed because my family knows this. More importantly...I lost my cousin. If my wife finds out...Most likely divorce. I messed up so bad and just want her back.
Time changes people. When I was a teenager I had really kinky sex with a cousin and this little affair lasted for a school summer holiday and boy was it great. We used to read risque books and do the things that characters were doing in novels like Lady Chatterley's Lover etc. Straiht fucking, oral sex, anal sex, pissing etc we tried it all. I remember one time when went to a nearby river for a swim and my cousin laid on the ground wile I pissed on her and when I was finished she pissed on me. As she was doing it I caught some movement to my left and there was a little old lady staring intently at us. We got to know her and used to go to her house to do naughty things which now included having sex with this old women. Once school got started again and because we were at different schools me and my cousin kinda lost track of each other. I kept in touch with the old woman though, that was my intro to the joy of grannies. When me and my cousin meet up now neither of us mention that horny summer and I guess it's best left in the past. I am not ashamed of it and would like to do those things to her again but I suspect she might be a bit ashamed. Oh and my missus would kill me if I did.
That's straight up bullshit how she's acting. Don't be hard on yourself, this is all because of her. She should've stopped it a long time ago.