Aching for more
I confess my boyfriend is just not doing it for me anymore sexually, though i do care for him as a person. he's everything a girl could want, except when it comes to the bedroom. he tries, but is just not very passionate or aggresive the way i need. also sadly he's not very big, which is not such a huge deal but would be nice. he just doesn't try. sex his way is missionary, 15 seconds of foreplay, then just gentle thrusting no kissing for 5 minutes max. afterwards i usually grab a reliable toy and get myself off while he watches or drifts off like he's bored.
i have been blatantly honest with him about this problem. his basic response is that this is just a phase that will pass, and that after we get married and have kids my sex drive will vanish anyway. his main focus is our emotional intellectual connection, and in that area he is confident that we are soulmates for life. when i show him the porn i watch, or try to introduce kinkier websites to him, he acts as if i am a pervert. he also thinks, as do i at times, that i have not fully dealt with some things that happened in the past, and that they affect my
drive and hunger. regardless i am explicit about what i want. and he is understanding but explains he just doesn't share my passions.
i'm not a bad looking girl at all, nor fat. not being stuck up but i get checked out often and asked out more times than i want to. i'm surrounded by guys at work who know i have a boyfriend, but still flirt with me. i honestly wonder how long i can hold out.
i want something animalistic, passionate, wild, even taboo. he wants gentle and boring. btw i am 23, he's 24, we've been together almost 2 years. in that time he's gone down on me ONE time, just not his thing he says. he doesn't even get enthused about a bj, which again is no big loss for me considering the size problem. i've cheated on him 3 times out of sheer desperation. i kept the affairs brief because i wanted no chance of ever hurting him or being found out. i know it won't be long before i cheat again.
i hate being in love with him, and have only myself to blame for this, i know.
i know the marriage proposal is coming this christmas.
i have to decide quickly.