Obsessed with the past

When I was 12 or 13 my family left the US and was stationed in Poland. The language was a big barrier, I had no friends, and was even bullied by a few assholes. The one exception was an incredibly beautiful and sweet girl who I think was 12. She lived in the same neighborhood as me and we'd walk back from school together. Unless she had homework or things to we'd hang out at my house for a bit and just shoot the shit. We were definitely attracted to each other and one day I made the first move with a kiss before making out on the couch. She was a bit more forward than I was and began taking her top off so I could play with her budding titties as we made out. This continued every day after school with more clothes coming off. Within a couple of weeks we were fully naked in my bed squeezing and jerking, slapping and licking. She gave me my first blow job which was amazing. So good that I wanted it every time she came over. We experimented with foreplay extensively before she finally let me put it in. We made love only 2 times before I got the worst news of my life. She was killed along with her parents in a head on collision with a truck driver that fell asleep. I went into a very, very deep depression and turned to drugs and alcohol. My grades suffered and I got mixed up with the loser crowd at school and did shit like steal and break into cars. Got into a couple of fights and busted for spraying graffiti on a monument. I spent time in a remand center which is like a juvenile prison for fuckups. My dad was eventually reassigned and we moved back to the US. I reinvented myself and got my shit together, got decent grades, and had a healthy social life again. Life was pretty good afterward. Got into college, graduated, and good paying job. I was in a few relationships that flamed out pretty quickly. Nothing that lasted very long until an old coworker decided to go back to her ex husband. Many times I lay in bed and think about all those sexy afternoons with Marika's bare ass bouncing in my face. I loved spanking her and eating her out from behind. Her nipples between my lips and how hard they would get. I beat off all the time thinking back to the one point in my life where an angle of mercy saved me from a life of misery and loneliness. What's odd is in my fantasies, I'm as old as I am now but she's still the same age as the last time I saw her. I miss you so much baby. I miss you with every ounce of my being and would do anything to feel your soft skin once more.

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