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Parents abused me, my brain adopted it as a coping mechanism
I want to give some background before I type my confession. If you don't wanna read all of it, just scroll to the bottom, i'll have it in its own little place
I'm 14, and recently got out of a situation of sexual abuse by my parents. My father would do all of the touching and my mother would record it and hold me down to help him.
This went on for an actual decade, and there were timestamps on the recordings to prove it.
They had SA'd me for so long that my brain has now adopted sexualizing myself online and fantasizing about all of it as a coping mechanism and I just feel disgusting. I feel like no one's ever going to want me, like no one's going to help me heal and get out of that disgusting loop. but i can't find anyone. I got a crush on a girl (i am a girl, so this was already new to me) but recently i've been incredibly distant because i feel like if she really saw me for who i was, that she'd hate me. she knows i have a crush on her, we planned on getting together on Valentine's day but i disappeared the day before and only came back today.
tl;dr: i fantasize about the sexual abuse that my parents put me through and my brain turned it into a coping mechanism and now I intentionally attract predators online in order to fulfill that fantasy.
i'm so disgusting bro i don't deserve to live anymore. i think i'm beyond fixing at this point..
My brother molested and fucked my ass for years growing up. It fucked with my head and did a lot of girls in college that didn't want to
You're probably a great girlfriend.
A young woman in the family was molested a bit ago. I wonder if she feels this way