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Shitting by the shed
I go for walks with a friend pretty much daily during our lunch break at work. We work in a somewhat residential area, so we are walking around the neighborhood.
I don't know wtf was wrong with me, maybe it was because I was hung over still from drinking the prior night, maybe it was all of the coffee I had drank that morning, maybe it was not eating food for a while, but I felt like shit. I was sweating like crazy. My friend asked me, "Are you okay?" I said no. She was concerned.
We kept walking and I felt this storm welling up in my bowels. I needed to take a shit, like now, and there was no going back. I went behind a shed at the house nearby and blew out a spray that was as evil as anything that has come out of any ass ever. It was maybe a five-pound pile of wet, steaming, wretched filth. My friend went to the mailbox of the property to get me some mail to wipe my ass. I wiped up while throwing up due to the massive, stinking, vile pile of excrement that was below me.
The horror was palpable. We put the shit-stained mail back in the box and went back to work. My ass felt like it was on fire after wiping it with raw envelopes, but at least is wasn't blasting out pure, wet, chunky monstrosities.
Was on a road trip when I had to go. Was in the middle of the desert and pulled off the road. Found a rock and had to take off my pants and underwear while crouching down. After a bit a car turned off the road and started to get close to me. Tried wiping fast but kept on having diarrhea. Eventually the car came up to me shining the headlights right on me. Finally finished and got dressed. After a bit the lights shut off and I walked to my car.