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Infidelity almost killed me
Don’t have anywhere else safe to post this. I’m sure I never would now but after I found out my wife had cheated with the guy I was worried about it completely crushed me. So much so I nearly did what I swore I’d never do. The pain was, and is, so much that I just wanted it to stop. One night, left all alone at home, I put my gun to my chest and had my finger on the trigger. For the first time ever I truly wanted to pull it too, just to make it stop. But then I thought of my kids and how it would affect them. That’s the only thing that stopped me in that moment. Thinking of them growing up fatherless and what they would think of me had I followed through. They saved my life and they’ll never even know it.
Same was gonna jump into Niagara Falls. My wife was the love of my life, I couldn't believe she betrayed me. With my lawyer / friend. We were on vacation, kids too, with him and his wife in Vermont when I figured it all out. It had been going on for over a year. On the drive home I went by Niagara Falls to jump. But in the end I couldn't' imagine my six year old and three year old growing up without a Dad. Over the next few months I seriously contemplated divorce, but then concluded I get kicked in the teeth again because I'm the breadwinner and she was the caretaker; she would mostly have them full time and I would only weekends. It's the small things I would miss about living my kids, saying hi at breakfast and just the everyday being in the house. So five years later we worked it out and we are still married, mostly happy. We had to move 600 miles away to reboot our lives. Probably my only issue now is I feel like I'm not allowed to talk about it because I'd be throwing it in her face. I mean I don't want to throw it in her face and I know she is sorry. But when pictures come up from that time, I feel really sad, like our lives were just a big lie despite looking like the perfect family. I just want to be able to acknowledge it. But I have learned to keep it to myself until the thought leaves. I worry one day it will all come crashing down but for now we are generally happy. I won't ever look at her the same, that sweet angel and prior to this happening I never once questioned our relationship. Maybe she didn't want me to look at her like that and maybe it is good to raise an eyebrow now and again. With this and a lot of other hardship from my life I feel I have all these scars but nothing to show for it. So I got a tattoo, it is a 20 with a broken heart followed by another 20, on my left shoulder blade. She hates it but I have something to show my wounds. Not that anyone really knows why but I do. Best of luck man, time heals, kind of.
I hope you divorced her cheating ass
Sorry to hear about your problem. Remember that cheating is just sex as long as they still come home to you. I know it is a tough road as I've been there myself. Also I'm a little ashamed to admit it but I also cheated on her. I thought it make me feel better. It did for a short time but it isn't the answer. Believe me you will get past it and suicide isn't the answer. I thought of it myself but realized that I had to be there for my three kids also. Good luck, it will get better.