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I have secrets.
I dug out a lot of my old diaries and shredded them the other day, I had forgotten about them and realized that if my husband or my kids ever found them their image of me would be a lot different, I had a traumatic childhood and teen years, It wasn't until I met my husband that my life did a full 180.
I was raised by my grandma until I was 3 and then my mom took me to the city but LOTS of time I was dropped off at my grandmas for weekends or most of the summer, My time was spent between my grandmas and my Uncle/Aunts place most times, I was just a normal skinny little girl until I turned about 14, At 14 my life changed, I was at my grandmas and her brother showed up, She was gone someplace and even at 14 I knew something was up, He was eye balling me and being super creepy, We ended up sitting on the couch and he had his hand on my thigh, Long story short I ended up topless even though I was flat as a board but I ended up topless with him tweaking my nips and cumming on my lap.
He started coming over every time my grandma was away and progressed from touching me to fingering me to licking me to me sucking him off 2-3 times a week. After summer I went home and back to school, Somewhere around December I went to stay at my uncle/aunts and while they were away in Mexico my cousin older by 5 years had a party and 3 of her male friends got me and my cousin (Her sister) who are only moths apart in age they got us in a bedroom alone and made us have a gangbang/orgy and told us if we told anyone they would kill us.
January I was 15 and in February my grandmas brother made me suck him off twice, My older cousins friends gangbanged me once and me and my cousin once, March my grandmas brother fucked me, My older cousins friends gangbanged me and my cousin twice, June 30 I went back to my grandmas for summer, July and August grandmas brother 17 times, gangbanged 5 times, 3 times just me, 2 with my cousin, August I went to a lake party and 2 of my older cousins friends were there, They passed me around amongst 20 ish guys who were there and made me walk home. November my cousin I got gangbanged with met a boyfriend, He begged her to have a threeway with me so we did twice, Again in December, Again on my birthday in January I was 16, Grandmas brother twice in February, I was now about 5'2", 120 lbs with small budding boobs and what I was told was the greatest ass in the world. May my grandmothers brother twice, June 30th back to grandmas, Her brother 9 times between July and August, my older cousins friends would come pick me up and take me to parties and pass me around, September I met a boy, Two weeks in he slapped the shit out of me made me fuck his best friend, For 6 months he controlled every move I made and made me suck and fuck people for money and drugs, He made me lick his brothers girlfriends pussy in front of a whole party and told me if I didn't make her cum he would throw me out the third story window...She came...Twice.
March I was 17 and had moved in with him, Mom offered to let him live with us if I would move back home so we both moved in, May 17th, I remember the day, I walked in on him fucking my mom, That went on for 6 months and then I broke up with him and moved out, He stayed for another 6 months, I had moved in with my basically one and only friend, Me and her went wild a bit and had an orgy house, Guys would come fuck us and tag team us and we would go down on each other in front of groups of people and sometimes other girls, Half of the time we didn't even know them but they would join in or just watch us get fucked and fuck each other.
I moved back home at 18 and had a steady flow of different boyfriends for a while, 19 I moved back out, Guys, Girls, Didn't matter, I went to my cousins a few times, Let my older cousins friends have their way with me and 6 times had threeways with my other cousin and her boyfriend, 20 I decided to go to college, Moved 5 hours away, Year 1...24 guys, 13 girls, 6 MFM threeways and 4 FMF threeways, Year 2...28 guys, 21 girls, 8 MFM threeways and 7 FMF threeways and a 1 on 1 relationship with a girl for 2 months. Year 3...7 guys, 2 girls and then met my husband...The day we met I became monogamous and have not been with anyone else since, I am 41.
My mother died April 2022, and I recently found a journal of hers hidden behind the washer. It contained details of her sexual encounters. If my dad ever read this it would most likely destroy him. We knew our mother as your normal Christian lady, respectful, courteous, faithful, church every Sunday. She never even wore anything revealing, not even a bikini. She volunteered a great deal at the church, homeless shelter for veterans, even worked the crisis hotline. Who would’ve ever guessed she was a natural born slut? After church, she stayed to help cleanup and “teach” but she was having sex with the men, some girls, when she would help out at the shelter, she was servicing these veterans sexually, she would meet up with someone having a crisis and fuck them. When she’s running errands, she really meeting up for sex in the minivan. She’s had sex with our teachers, my ex boy friends, friends, my uncle, mailman, mechanic, my fathers friends, his coworkers, she’s been down to the fire station to thank them for their service, and the police officers. She’s had plenty of gang bangs, threesomes. I never saw that side of her, she listed details, tattoos, their sexual desires, pictures, she even recorded some. Sometimes she even had people over while we were asleep, and she’d be playing downstairs
It's really not right that you had all those gang bangs and threeways without your husband. You don't necessarily need to share ever detail and all the numbers, but you need to at least let him know that you have had threeways in your past. To make it up to him you need to invite one of your cousins or a girlfriend to have a threeway with him so he can watch you each eat pussy and fuck you both.
If you've really turned your life around destroying any journals ,et c was the thing to do. Never NEVER feel guilty and think you owe anyone a confession. This was your life and what you choose to share is up to you and only you. Enjoy your life now and just look forward.