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Everyone knows that I masturbate
I'm a 25-year-old male currently in the process of addressing traumas from my past, which have been negatively impacting my day-to-day life. I am currently not in a relationship, as I am focused on getting my life back on track.
My sex drive has always been high, and I don't care much for casual sex, so I masturbate regularly. I have a couple of sex toys, like pocket pussies and masturbators, and I use them occasionally. Masturbation has always been a normal and healthy aspect of my life; it has never been a big deal to me. However, an incident from two years ago has left me dealing with ongoing challenges.
I live in a shared housing unit. One day, I overheard my neighbors, who live one floor below me, discussing loudly about how I purchased a masturbator and use it to masturbate. Initially, I wondered if I was imagining it, but upon hearing it again, I realized it was a real issue. I was wondering how they learned about it, as I always close my blinds and maintain discretion, and yet this has happened. I shrugged it off, thinking to myself, whatever, they'll forget about it in a couple of days, and I paid no attention to it.
A few weeks later, I encountered a group of people in a store who clearly noticed me and started talking about how "he uses a pocket pussy." I turned around and saw that they were looking at me, and then they were laughing about it when I was further away from them. Situations like this started happening to me more and more often, so I'm guessing that the gossip has spread across the small city I live in, and now everyone knows that I use sex toys to masturbate.
Even after two years, I continue to experience random and uncomfortable situations where strangers discuss my personal choices openly. Recently, I was going back home in the evening, and I heard two girls talking as I passed by, one saying, "That's him; he uses an artificial vagina." I ignored it and went my way while they continued to talk about it.
I find it weird that people are so fixated on my private habits. Why should it concern anyone how, when, or if I choose to masturbate, or whether I use sex toys to do so?
Masturbation gives me the freedom to explore pleasure, sensation and what works or doesn't work for me, and sex toys play a vital part in my sexual exploration. I feel sexually confident, and I am always willing to try new things to see what I can learn about myself. Everyone has their own preferences and ways of finding sexual satisfaction, what I do in my own time is my business alone, and others should keep their noses out of it.
If you aren't already, you should seek professional help. Specifically, discuss schizophrenia. Obviously, you can't be diagnosed in such a brief discussion here but I really believe you have a treatable condition. Good look.
Ps. There is nothing wrong with healthy masturbation. Enjoy yourself.