I'm male just 18 I Have Question? You think I'm fucked up sexuall

I got seduced by porn & money as a naive trick 4 years ago, still hairless, fuzz pubes. I was cleaning (as pt. time job) rooms at an old hotel ( should've been razed long ago) but is was very cheap & clean. A place for every perv. Hookers/ Johns, Adults w/ underage boys and girls ( teens)
I encountered them all, lots of propositions/offers. Really these "guest/patrons were like, fuck the police vice squad. My seemed to think cops were paid off, just look other way.
I'm was curious teen sexual pubecent arousal, I knew what all or thought I knew the " hot" sex going on behind them doors.
I had men proposition me to fuck their wives, some in their 50's. Men who wanted to blow me. I resisted mostly as it freaked me out. Then one day ( was an after school job) A man waved a $100 bill in my face asking, come in my room for alf-hour it's yours. Fuck yes I could take Pam out in style
maybe get in her pants. The guy maybe 45, fat asked me if I ever had a BJ. I hadn't the hundred bucks awaiting I let him undo my Levis and suck me. I won't lie, it felt really good, especially when I came. I felt guilty but soon that blew over when I took Pam to dinner then skating.
Next day Saturday, I knew as usual more male residents would be just prowling the halls, on all three floors. I already knew the type so if I came on friendly and available I'd get hit on. Sure enough 2nd floor 10am I'm real flirty friendly as he inviteed me into his room. (**earlier after telling my 19 yr old friend the $100 BJ story he told me about hustling, no less than $50 any offer less tell the "John" it's rude, crude & in bad taste to was to cheapen myself with so little money....but take $40 if he tries to cry poor.**) So in the room I ask what he'd like, wekl, like to see and feel your dick, you like that? I said in a teen's sexy voice, yes I do and you can ( pulling out my hard dick) for $50 this is all yours all yours, shaking my erection, for an hour.
he handed over 2-$20&a$10. And again it felt so good as I fantasized about Pam. It felt real good I liked it. A $150 bucks in 24 hours? Guilty feelings or not. Two weeks passed and I'd sold myself for over $800 smackers. Then Joe hotel owner who I knew to be an old queen called me to his room. He told me he knew what I'd been doing, he was real cool about it telling me to be careful and saying if you ever do get busted you won't say a damn word about me.!? I was sincers, no Joe I ain't no rat anyway, Joe what they gonna do to a punk my age? Give me life? Of course, some John has told Joe or ask about me. At any rate Joe said I was good for business.
No I'm older, got some righteous cash stacked when I meet this fat pot belle man mid 40's who blows me and offers me $300 to suck him. The re is a catch, he possess in my mouth before, I can let it run out but I'm to open wide let him piss then I suck, as he face fucks me til he cums I must swallow his load, all of it no spitting. Then he pushes me away get out until I call for you. Later, the next week he began showing me porn, all kinds, gay, hetero, preggo, interracial variety. After an hour of this it was back to piss and suck. He was no longer sucking me this was one-sided. He would hire me a hooker. Get a black guy to fuck a white woman I'd get to join in if I wanted, just all kinds of shit. But always piss and suck this man I was commanded to call daddy.
Odd, weird, sicko? I am in love now with Daddy I look forward and crave his piss, I often swallow it, or part of it. I crave his pushing me away, hoping he will show some affection. I am obsessed with him, in love.

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME? WHAT HAPPENED? HOW DO I BREAK THIS CYCLE AND GET GET AWAY? I AM WRITING PLACES I CAN I CANNOT TELL THIS SHIT JUST ANYWHERE!!!!!😫

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