Lesbian into BDSM and kind of guilty
I'm 26 years old and a lesbian. My parents and close friends accept me, so that's not a problem. What embarrasses me is the kind of fantasies I have. I've always been a model student, a proper member of society, a kind and compassionate daughter, friend, whatever. But the truth is that there's nothing I want more than a dominant woman who'd make me submit to her. It's been my biggest, hottest fantasy for so many years I don't even know when it started. It turns me on like crazy. I don't simply want someone to be a little rough in bed, I seriously dream of becoming a beautiful, confident woman's slave, to do nothing but satisfy her needs... I'd love to be mistreated, berated, even physically punished if I made a mistake... and I'd love her to make me please her body every time she wanted. Ah, the mere thought makes me wet. Imagining the things I could do for her, what she would do to me, such as treating me like her toy... I pretty much only masturbate to this type of scenarios now. At first I felt really guilty, but it feels so good I just can't stop. Sometimes I write erotic stories about these things and I get off to them. If someone found them and read them, I would die from shame, though.
I've tried to find someone to fulfill my fantasy with, but I had no success (so far). I feel like normal relationships can't satisfy me completely... it's absolutely insane, but I was seeing a girl and her extremely kind personality was kind of a turnoff. I'd prefer to date someone willing to rule over me, even just occasionally. Obviously I'm referring to consensual kink, I definitely don't want to be abused. Anyway, that's my spicy dream that I want to see coming true. Until then, I will have fun on my own coming up with all the horrible things I'd like to be done by my imaginary mistress...
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