Here's to Becky

I'm not sure what category this is.

It was the late 80's/early 90's. My college friends and I thought we were so progressive because we had gay and lesbian friends. We would never dabble in anything outside our straight relationships because that would automatically mean we had to turn in our hetero membership cards, right? I never mentioned my wish to be with a woman because my instant expectation was that I was a lesbian and my boyfriend would break up with me. There was no tolerance for anything in between.

So one day I used a women's restroom in a different building than I usually did. It seemed a secret because I never saw any other women enter it in the years before or after. The stalls were spotless and generally free of graffiti except for one door that had something written on it. I read it while sitting there. The writer said she's straight but no one goes down on her like her roommate Becky. That blew my mind. I still don't know if it was just something a student wrote to shock people. It definitely had that affect on me. Someone - a female - had a roommate who did that for/to her? Did she reciprocate? How did that conversation, that understanding get initiated? How often did Becky go down on her? Was Becky a lesbian, and if she was did she fit the androgenous stereotype - or was she conventionally attractive in the typically feminine way? What about the writer? What did SHE look like?

Not too many years later, I met people who opened my mind to non-labeling and other possibilities. I did have physical relationships with women. I am very feminine and prefer other "girly" types. I enjoy licking melted truffles from their splayed bodies and bringing them to climax with my long, pointed tongue. I considered myself bisexual, but I certainly didn't advertise it. A close friend introduced me to someone very like myself at a party. Jennifer and I hit it off immediately. At the time, I was dating a guy who was very receptive to me seeing her as long as he could later have some of the experience with us. Jennifer and I were happy to comply. We even went shopping for matching lingerie. We surprised him with what started out as a very "normal" game of strip poker. He was delighted when it became obvious it was a prelude to a threesome. That went so well that she and I continued seeing each other, and I was very honest with my boyfriend about it. He, too, was good with it. Then my living situation changed, and I needed to move out. Jennifer's rent was going up, and we figured it would be great to get a place together. My boyfriend very happily helped us move into a small house. Jennifer and I were so excited as we bought home items together and assumed we would spend a lot of time in bed, being the Ultimate Roommates. I thought of the Becky on the bathroom stall and figured this was the way it may have begun. For a while, she and I did have a lot of sexual fun. We were also aware that the landlord, who lived in the house behind ours, was spying on us. We gave him quite a show and made sure we moaned loudly enough for all neighbors to hear. We walked around in lingerie and kissed deeply in front of the windows. No blinds were pulled when we fondled each other and let it evolve...

That was good. Unfortunately, as great as we were in bed together, we had opposite ideas about responsibility for upkeep. One morning, my boyfriend was still in my bed after I'd gone to work, and she wasn't aware that he was under the heap of comforter. I learned from him that she was going into my closet and trying on my clothes when I wasn't home. I just didn't feel comfortable after that. What else was she doing when I wasn't there? In a couple of weeks she started dating a very sweet guy in the military, and it was clear she was using him. It didn't feel right, and I certainly didn't want to be physical with her anymore. We went our separate ways quite soon after I heard her screaming at him, about how she doesn't have enough or too much of anything and how he should go in my closet and see what "enough' really is.

I still wonder about Becky. Did she exist? Where is she now? My current boyfriend is also open minded about my desires. If I could fine her...?