Be careful what you wish for

Every once in a while I read through these pages about relationships and yes about sex and then I start thinking about the mistakes I made in my marriage. The instructions in this format says to be naughty, I'm not sure I can do that! I probably should've typed this in the confession area. It's early morning and I am alone right now. My on-again off-again boyfriend is Skiing with friends and I woke up in one of those moods again. I am a 40-year-old mother of two. A long time ago when I was with my husband, he was stationed at Fort Bragg, we had an apartment in Fayetteville that was pretty close to the base. I had a pretty decent job and when I turned 21, I started going out with the girls that I work with and a few in my apartment complex on Friday and Saturday nights. I didn't cheat on him until his third deployment. I wish I didn't now and I am making no excuses or reasons because when I decided to start going out with my friends I knew somehow that I would end up in someone else's bed. It all started out one night when I heard those little sex noises coming from my bff's window adjacent to our apartment early one morning. like her, her man was deployed so at first I giggled and pounded on the wall thinking that she was doing it herself you know. The next morning, I realize that someone was with her when I heard voices and when I was getting ready to go to the gym I saw him across the landing leaving her apartment. I didn't react nor did I say anything about it. One afternoon about a couple of weeks later is when I was turning 21 and some girls were at my apartment and we were getting ready to go out. Tara knocked on my door and said that she would meet us later. We all went out and had a pretty good time. I drink too much wine of course but they all managed to get me home safely and instead of going to her apartment Tara followed me in and helped me do my business at the toilet lol, she stayed with me until the next morning. We had a long talk and the subject popped up. she had a friend that she would invite over and hinted around that one of his friends from the night before was into me. I immediately discounted that and said I wasn't interested and the subject was dropped. A couple of days later, during the week..... I heard those little noises again and I laid there alone actually jealous of her. I was never one to watch porn or anything like that but I was extremely aroused and when I touched myself I started thinking of my man but ended up thinking and wishing it was someone else maybe that cute guy I danced with he was so cute and a little aggressive which impressed me and did I mention he was cute! I laid there motionless after my business was complete! The noises were still going on and so I banged on the wall. about 15 minutes later there was a knock at my door and it was Tara. Her man was asleep and she laughed family said that she heard me beckoning her was it because I needed wine or sex giggling and so on. She came in and we sat in the living room. So beautiful she was my age had long blonde hair and omg I wish I was thin as her...... We started talking about life and sex and then she went back to her apartment and brought back her laptop and showed me this dating website she had an account on. I read some of the messages that these guys were sending her and saw the very provocative photographs of herself. She told me all the ends and outs like don't mention this and don't use your real name and so on. She wanted me to start an account but I was too scared! We finished off the wine and she went back to her apartment and I thought pretty much that was it. The next Friday afternoon she told me not to make plans to go out with everyone and that we would have some people over. about 10:30 PM, she knocked on my door and told me to come over. I was standing there in jeans and a T-shirt so she rushed me into my bedroom and picked out one of my cute tops told me to lose my bra lol and dug around and found a cute skirt. I had bought that short skirt for my husbands return a few Weeks ago so I next that but found something cute that matched my blouse. Out the door we went to her apartment and her guys friend was there and we were introduced. We sort of knew each other from dancing and talking at the club so I was pretty comfortable. We drank too much wine and the music was way too loud but it was fun. Pretty soon Tara grabbed her guy and went upstairs and I all of a sudden felt uncomfortable even sort of scared and maybe it was this cute guy Darius seemed to make it OK. He joked about them upstairs and then asked me if I wanted to go sometime..... all the while looking really cute and available? We kissed once and then started dancing again. This time it was a lot closer and we kissed a few more times. as I sit here typing, I remember feeling his erection against my stomach and each time he kissed me he would follow up by kissing my neck and nibbling on my ear. I knew I was done for. I didn't even think of my marriage. We sat back down on the couch and begin to Suck each other's tongues as tara used to put it. I remember him opening my blouse and caressing my nipples so softly and then his strong arms surrounded me, his hands seem to go everywhere and the next thing I knew his strong hands were caressing my inner thighs pushing my skirt upwards And I could feel his finger lifting my panties out of the way and then I felt it go in. I am aroused right now recalling this. Almost as aroused as I was that early morning. I knew that I wanted him and I knew I was going to have sex. Somehow I justified it I didn't even feel guilty. I admit right now that the only thing I cared about was not getting caught. we continued to suck on each other's tongue lol and then he stood up and pulled my arms wanting to go to my apartment and to my bed. That I didn't want to do so he pushed the coffee table away and knelt before me opening my legs further and went down on me. I remember just laying there watching him in the dim light from the kitchen. it was exciting! He removed my panties and my heels and then scooted me down onto the couch lengthwise. His trousers came down and I watched his penis emerge. I had always heard about African-American men........ I remember watching it, it was so hard. It wasn't huge but it was very long. He was bigger than my husband is. He looked at me and we kissed again and he said is it OK or are you OK. I didn't answer but I reached out for it and held it in my hands like it was something new? He went to mount me and I remember whispering to use a condom please he stopped and pretty soon was placing a condom on it. He then laid himself between my legs and entered me. I felt it grow even more and as he settled down onto me he slowly pushed it all the way in me kissing me and biting my ear softly. I just laid there like a young school girl. I don't know how much time went by but he reached orgasm. I didn't and I began moving my body to meet his penis still in me. I think that he knew what I was doing and he started again. It wasn't much longer and I climaxed I remember him moving so quickly in and out of me...... when I felt myself starting to climax I remember locking my feet around the back of his knees as hard as I could pushing myself into his penis and holding my arms around his back as hard as I could. I had never reached orgasm like that before. He grunted and said that he was coming again! I couldn't believe that! we laid there for a while and then I saw Tara come down the stairs giggling and asking how he was lol I just laid there and started to laugh. She grabbed a bottle of wine and the glasses that were on the coffee table and went back upstairs. Darius and I laid there half unclothed in each other's arms. we fell asleep for a while and the next thing I knew it was morning about 5AM or so. I was woke again by him inserting himself in me again. this time it was more precious and gentle. I guess I was caught up in the moment as I didn't ask for him to use a condom this time. it wasn't very long before he came in me. It isn't till after that I was concerned with STDs, pregnancy ECT I think that I wanted it in me as much as he wanted to put it in me. We laid there again and then Tara and her guy came downstairs. That's about the time I started feeling cheap because the guys were high-fiving each other. Tara started making pancakes in the kitchen and I stuck around and ate a little bit but by that time I started feeling guilty. I excused myself, I took Darius's number and went back to my apartment. I took a shower and I found myself attempting to forget the night before. I feel like crap, I felt like I was used but part of me knew I did nothing to stop anything. A couple of days later Tara wanted to go out again and I declined. We had a heart to heart talk and she told me about her unfaithfulness and how she deals with it. I promised myself I would never do it again, that I made a mistake and I would be the best wife my man could ever have. About a month before the guys were to come home, I felt myself thinking of sex. I knew that Darius wanted to get together again and saw him a few more times and then I pushed him off. I'm glad I did what I did now but there are more parts of me that wish I didn't. My husband and I eventually divorced because of an affair that he had. I dealt with it but he didn't and so we divorced. We're still friends to this day because of the kids.

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