Stimulants make me gay for black men with big dicks

I cannot stop what is beyond my mind's capabilities to stop once a form of stimulant such as
Cocaine or Crystal Meth hijacks my sexuality through spikes in the dopamine in my brain.

Under alcohol and most other substances I am 100% heterosexual and enjoy having sex, making love,
fucking women of all types, yet moments after the stimulants flood my body and state of mind.

What I thought was some sort of biological and psychological stimulation and trauma from my previous
relationships appears to be only the precursor to an inevitable sexual urge triggered my stimulants which
I am prone to use in excess when I can.

While I have written Crystal Meth off my life for the foreseeable future I am unsure I will be able to avoid
events where I will be exposed to Cocaine. In fact I will be both terrified and euphoric to let the drug
take over my senses in the presence of a desirable man that meets my very specific gay and sissy needs.

Knowing that my heterosexuality is so easily overwritten and replaced by a far more powerful sexual appetite
I feel obliged, stronger than that actually. I feel extremely drawn and highly motivated to expose this
side of me to a man of my dreams.

I don't search for perfect lovers or partners but while I am in this highly euphoric state of desire for the
one glorious man to take my crossdressing, sissy, submissive, hungry mouth and my desperate ass with a
a godly cock worthy of a perfect man.

I turn my attention to you, future dominant man I wish to serve. This is what I am looking for and what I
desperately need from you and what you will get undoubtedly receive from me under my sissy state of mind:

1. You need to be 6'0" or taller, thin built or thick but muscular and it must be obvious how muscular you
are with or without clothes.

2. You must be a thug, or a rough manly type of man. I want to feel intimidated by your actions and words.

3. You must be African American, or a mix of black and another race but your black ancestry features must
show. I am highly attracted to black men. No white men or other races period, except for black Hispanics.

4. I will only be the sissy "boy" you want me to be under the right stimulant. I will highly prefer you
find a way to force me to or trick me to consume. I want to feel I have no control when I know you want
me to stop being straight if you feel attraction towards a girl I am seeing as long as she is well
aware of my change, and what will happen to her afterwards with you taking over my role as desirable by
you with a strong emphasis in sexually stimulating me as you see fit.

5. You must be sexually dominant, highly sexual with a strong libido. Your cock should be your pride and
joy and you must be amazing at having sex, making love, fucking and dominating any hole from any woman's
bodies as well as any hole in my sissy bod.

6. I will not support you financially but I will help you if or when needed in most cases. You cannot be
a deadbeat. Whether you hustle on the streets or in an office you must be able to stand in your own two
feet. I will likely spend a lot of cash on you during my "unexpected" sissy and homosexual mindscapes.

7. Do not steal my women and leave them after. Please if you want someone only for yourself I am seeing,
let's have a discussion and depending of the person and the situation you will likely get your wish.

8. I will never disrespect you or your race. I will only use the word "race" to accentuate you and your
sexy and very much attractive features I know you will posses. I expect a similar treatment of me as a
human being but I will not be offended by obvious shortcomings, serious crimes committed against your
ethnicity, when applicable or any "white boy, sissy" comments that I will likely find rather erotic and
sexually rewarding.

9. I will not modify my body in any permanent way or take any hormones that changes my genetics as I will
not need such chemicals while I am stimulated by the aforementioned substances. I will, however, take
temporary substances that will leave my penis extra limp, unable to grow at all (preferred), feeling
feminine, softer and smoother but nothing that will take my libido away (extremely important).

10. I will attempt my best to remain loyal to you if you are not around when I am in my sissy mode. If you are
unavailable when I need you and I will need you as a sissy girl I may need to temporarily service another man.
However, I don't think I will get as lucky as to find more than one of you who is right for someone like me.

11. I will have sex with whomever you seem fit, within reason, which can be discussed when we finally meet. I will
however, sleep with any other man you need to me have sex with or any woman when I am off the stimulants and
regain my sexual appetite for women.

12. You may sleep with my ex-wife should you make it happen and if you so should desire it. I will not participate
or allow myself to be involved in any relationship with that woman ever again. I however will never tell you
who you can or cannot sleep with, again within reason.

13. I will never be a controlling, nagging, bothersome, or any form of obstacle in your romantic, personal,
professional and family lives. I will only require sexual attention during the times you want this other person
to come out and fulfill any desires you need me for. Such as:
Coming to visit whenever you want, within reason, with or without drugs but I will not be of use to you sober.

14. I want to have access to your cock and balls anytime I am in need of touching them or kissing them or feeling
them as long as you find it appropriate. I will often feel the need to fall asleep holding your cock in my
hand(s) or tasting it while it rests or grows in my mouth.

15. I want a lot of your cum whenever I can be that lucky.

16. I will do the best work I can myself or by help from someone or two or three others if I need help looking sexy
for the man that you are to me and the sissy you like in me. I will always be sexy, with girly make up, thongs,
hot lingerie, and any other piece of clothing you find suited for my body and the occasion I am with you for.

17. PENIS: The best for last. It must be somewhat of a monster cock. 9" minimum, thick, highly preferably to be
uncut as I would really enjoy touching and playing with that beautiful, manly foreskin and the big head it
protects when not being used. I would prefer that your balls are big as well, sagging or not I will take care
of them. The bigger they are the bigger the sperm count I think and the more man to worship. Please trim or let
me trim you nicely so you always look like the hot, extremely well endowed, dark-skinned, sexy man I need to in
order to satisfy this terrible, painful, agonizing and my once-thought-impossible to fulfill sissy desires.

Karin, 9/8, under the influence of Cocaine. 100% sissy, only interested in men at the moment.