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Self harm by dildo
I just realized that ever since I was a little boy I've been punishing myself by fucking myself in the ass with various large objects. I've always been an outcast. With no friends my age I was often bullied by older boys.I was withdrawn, a loner, a loser. I started secretly masturbating earlier on but I think I was about 8 when I discovered that my ass was a hole. So I got an idea... I knew I would have to be clean so. being a clever little boy, one night I sneaked out and dragged the hose behind the garage where I first "harmed myself." I used a 750 ml soda bottle. I sat on it so hard! My little asshole was stretched to the limit, it hurt so bad but I couldn't stop because it felt so good! My dick was like a rock and I cummed so hard as I bounced up and down, jamming myself onto the bottle. Even after I was done I sat back with the bottle still up my ass. Panting, out of breath, my little bare dick dripped another few drops of cum into the grass between my knees. You might think that it was just something queer. But looking back I realize I realized I kept doing it for the pain! The bigger the object and the longer the better! The more it stretched my ass and the deeper I could fuck myself the better! I began to sneak out every night to do my crazy thing. I began searching the garage and the neighbors sheds for objects to fuck myself. Before the summer was over I was able to take the handle of a shovel 10" deep! And I fucked myself with a flashlight that was 4" around and 8" long! I would wiggle and writhe with the objects inside me. Sometimes it hurt so much, but it thrilled me to see something making a bulge from inside wiggling around so far up in my body! Things didn't get any better as I grew up. I was an awkward teenager. I was bullied further which only made me seek out even bigger objects to secretly fuck myself with. Some people do drugs. Some people cut themselves. Me, I shove giant objects up my ass until I cry! Well, just because I am aware it's self harm doesn't mean I can stop. Sometimes after a bad day at work I will come home and fuck myself with a big dildo. 8" around and 15" long I can take that whole thing! But even that is still only practice for my biggest one. 9 and 3/4 inches around and 17" long! I use that one to fuck myself hard when I'm feeling really bad about myself. I kneel right in the middle of my living room and ride that bitch up-and-down, impaling myself on it a 1000 times before I'm finally satisfied. I guess people think I'm okay but I'm really just a loser that deserves to get fucked in the ass. I suck.
I started taking objects in the ass very young too. Except for me it was about anal and prostate pleasure, not pain or stretching. I discovered my anus was incredibly sensitive and caused feelings I later realized were homosexual in nature. My first insertion was the eraser end of a pencil, lubricated with Vaseline. Then a tapered candle, then a hairbrush handle. Then anything that would fit comfortably and give pleasure. Always accompanied by masturbation and very big prostate-induced ejaculations. Over the years I’ve used dozens of household objects up my ass, but all for pleasure and the make myself feel sexy and slutty and sissy. I discreetly graduated to cock after college. I never have gay relationships or romance. No interest in that. I just enjoy cock in my ass. It’s almost always married guys. I do enjoy a good hard fucking but for the excitement of it rather than pain or punishment. Oh my god I do love to get fucked very hard by fit masculine man.
Started playing with my ass young after me and a friend were offered money by a neighbor. He would watch as me and my friend played with each other then a dildo was brought in the mix. Before you know it found my sister dildo and would abuse my ass with. Stopped when I hit high school. Met my wife at 17 then at 25 she wanted to peg me . Sure why not brought out the old feeling and it was a normal part of are sex life. Then one day a friend said dam your ass shakes when you walk . Then I knew I was to loose 8 years no dildo no more but I do miss it.
Keep on! If you like, keep going! Why give up?
I enjoy my ass stretched open also I know that I can't handle 17 inches and don't know anyone that could. But my wife does fuck me with a big black strapon that's 12 inches long and 7 inches around . She started out with small didlos and got bigger ones I can take 12 inches in my ass pretty easily now she has fisted me many times. She gets a kick out of how much I can afford in my ass and tells me that she's never had anything that big in her ass. If it feels good go for it.
Maybe if you had let some of your tormentors fuck you up the ass in highschool you wouldn't have been bullied so much.