How to get laid

When I was 17, my uncle told me a surefire way to get laid, and it worked. He told me I needed to watch the obituaries in the newspaper. At first I thought he was on drugs, but he continued telling me to look for obituaries for guys in their 20's ,30's, and 40's. He said look for ones who had a wife, who will now be a grieving widow. Then he told me to go over and offer your condolences for her loss, and offer to do yard work or any work for free. I asked why in the hell would I do work for free? He says because the widow will look at you as a caring and loving person, which is what a grieving widow needs. He then told me to always compliment her on being beautiful. Point out her eyes and her smile. If she laughs, make sure to compliment her. He said if I do what he says, she will be the one dragging me to her bedroom.

I thought he was crazy, but figured what the hell. I started reading the paper, and for the longest time, only found old people. I was convinced my uncle was fucking nuts, but I kept watching the newspaper. Finally I saw where a younger man at 36 had died in an accident. He left behind a widow wife. I looked up her address and headed over. She was obviously emotional and I could tell she had been crying, but I did as my uncle said and offered my condolences and free service. She said the yard needed mowing. Nothing happened that day. I had actually gone back several times helping her. I was even complimenting her like I was supposed to, but still nothing. I was just about to give up when I stopped over to trim her hedge bush. It was hot, August day, so I took off my shirt. She came out and offered me to come in and cool off. As we walked in, she turned around and kissed me. She whispered that she needed me and asked if I was wanted her. I nodded my head yes. She pulled me into her bedroom and started stripping her clothes. I removed my pants and boxers, then she pushed me on the bed. She started sucking my dick while I just laid there and enjoyed it. A few minutes later, she got on top of me and slid her pussy down on my dick. Her tits were hanging in my face for me to suck on. She rode me about a minute before she quivered with orgasm, followed by my own orgasm several minutes later.

I had sex with her for about a year before I decided to move on and go to college. I'm not sure if I just got lucky with her, but everything my uncle told me was true, and it worked to get me laid. I told my college buddy the secret and later that next summer he said it worked for him too. I don't know, maybe it will work for you too.

13 days ago


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    • I am trying it fuck it nothing to loose.

    • Expect a broken nose!

    • By who? The husband is dead, remember?

    • You'll get a broken nose when you lickin' dat pussy and she comes so hard that she go BONK! and whacks you inna nose wit dat pussy-bone

    • Well not a widower but a recent divorcee. I told her her husband was nuts to cheat on her when she was so beautiful. I did all kinds of yardwork etc. Eventually had amazing sex with her. Off and on for about a year when she got serious about a guy she worked with at a previous job.

    • Thats quite different! Thats a rebound fuck! But a grieving wife who lost her husband! Not a snowballs chance in hell. Some widows just give up and live their life alone!

    • Some do just want simple comfort, it seems likely to me.

    • No it is not likely at all. Sadness and major depression is something sex won't cure! You must be young and never lost anyone you really loved!

    • My aunt lost her husband. A month later she was having sex with a guy half her age. When my mom said something to her about it, she said he made her feel good just touching her and being around her. She wasn't lonely. So I disagree with your thinking.

    • Nah, your uncle was on drugs and so are you if you think anybody believes that shit !

    • Thank you sir! This is quite genius and will make sure to let you know how it works out.

    • YEahhhhhhh! IT WORKED! You rule! Thank you! The nay-sayers are all a bunch of grannies and fags!

    • Thats sick fucked up and definitely fake!

    • Fake?? Obviously you have never done it. What the OP says is true. I found that out by accident. My neighbor lady who is 15 years older than me, lost her husband in a boating accident. I felt sorry for her, so I started doing things to help her out. Like I would take her trash out for her, get her mail, mow her lawn the same time I mowed my yard. Just little things. I had gotten her mail one day and knocked on the door to give it to her. She asked me in, then offered me a beer. Of course I wasn't going to turn it down. She brought it to me and when I took if from her, she reached down and grabbed my Johnson. I didn't say anything, so she proceeded to unzip my pants and pull me out. She dropped to her knees and sucked me off right there in the kitchen. So yeah, it does happen.

    • You dumb fuck rebound fucks do happen. But when a someone loses their spouse to death, sex is the last thing on their mind. Grow up and then come back. You have no idea what problems arise when a spouse dies and they all come at once!

    • I disagree with your comment. It is a proven fact that men and women alike will seek out companionship after a spouse has died. They do so out of fear of being alone. Many people have remarried within a short time after losing their partner. I'm not defending anyone here, but I can believe this happens.

    • You're fucked up and fake (or at least your dumb boobs are) and you're still here!

    • I offer my free help and services to anyone who ask for it. I have good luck like you. Some are suspicious and others just ugly. I will remain a good person.

    • Fuck you wetnhorny You ain't fooling anyone dude! Get the fuck out of here sick fuck!

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