My friend from school

I’m upset and mad and don’t know what to do. So me and a friend went to school together. One day we got drunk and told each other something that I never thought she would ever say which I was hoping she would one day. We end up fucking. I love this woman forever and until this day I fucking do, I’ll die for her, I do anything for her until this day without asking why. So we got drunk and fuck. While fucking I said which slip out and said to her I want to have a baby with u and u be the mother of our kids. She said don’t say it if u don’t mean it. Ooooo boy I definitely meant it, but Then she said to me as well while fucking I wanna have ur kids, I look deeply in her eyes while fucking on a bathroom sick and said good I want the same thing. Then my dumb ass chicken out. It was that time after close to a hour still fucking, I told her I’m about to cum she said cum big daddy cum in side of me. Then the taking advantage Thought kick in my mind, not A guilty feeling, I pulled out she got mad af and said to me why the fuck did you pull out I thought u wanted me to have ur babies. I told her I want her to have my babies and it means everything in the world to me, but the reason I pull out baby was because we both been drinking and I definitely want to make sure that we both want it. It can be the sex and the liquor that having us talking and thinking like this, she said no it not ur chicken out I said no we both been drinking and I wanna be responsible just in case it the sex and liquor talking. I want u to be my wife and Have my babies more then anything in this world. I also told her let talk about it this when we not drunk she then said whatever, later that night we fuck again on the couch before I went to bed. A few days later she left the house after sleeping over. Few months later she got married and had a kid by this new guy idk if it was to get back at me out of spike or what but I was fucking piss. Now until this day I miss her and regret that I haven’t done what I wanted to do since I knew her, I regret everything and wish I could go back in time to do what I wanted to do and have that Opportunity to not fuck out lmao. Now I can’t ughhh. Now I try to talk to her and text her. She don’t text back and when she do, she say who is this and once I tell her it is me, I never hear back from her for a long time. I’m going crazy because I still think of her and still want her and want her to know I still love her until this day.

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