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Family secret
I have a bit of an issue with my oldest daughter. She & her brother have been getting into genealogy, did dna tests & have been spending time on ancestry sites to research our family history. The problem is that she learned her genetic profile is markedly different than her younger brother's. I had to tell her that her father (who is also the father of her younger brother) is not her biological father. I'm torn about giving her the rest of the details.
For a full picture we have to go back to 1984. I was single & living in San Francisco & it was a liberating time. MTV was new & I had a lot of friends and was no stranger to the group sex scene. I went to many orgies and I don't regret it. We all had a good time. It was let's snort some lines, play some Billy Idol and Madonna, & do some licking & fucking. It was at one of these orgies that I got pregnant. My daughter was born in '85. I met & dated a guy later in '84 and we married and we've been monogamous ever since. He was happy to raise my daughter. Our son was born in '91.
I still have no idea who the biological father of my daughter is. It could be one of maybe a dozen guys. At these orgies I'd be stoned & sucking cock or eating pussy & some times I didn't even know or care who was moving into my vagina. It just felt nice & it's not like you exchange business cards at an orgy, you know? You just relax & fuck & enjoy.
My daughter is 34 now & I'm torn about whether to tell her the whole truth or a partial truth, such as "you were fathered by a guy I dated." I don't know if I should tell her that I got pregnant with her after getting fucked at an orgy. She has kids too, and I don't want them to know either, but a part of me says to just tell the truth. Idk...
No good will come from telling her the full truth, only harm. You would tell her because you think that confessing to her will make you feel better, and it might, but it would make her feel worse.
This is your burden to bear. I have no judgement for the lifestyle that you were involved in then. Everyone should live their life as they choose so long as it doesn't cause harm to others. But you made those choices, and it's not fair to burden her with the details.
I suggest that you give it a lot of thought and that you come up with a story that will help her feel proud of the way that she was conceived, or at least a neutral story, not one that will make her feel shame.
Whatever story that you create, make it real, simple, believable, and stick to it.
Everyone is not built for the truth.
The question here is : who do you expect to make feel better by telling any of it ? You have no info. to give her other than, " Your dad could be one of a dozen guys. " You know you were careless, reckless even, but, is it so much of a burden that you feel compelled to relieve yourself of it even if it will raise more questions than provide answers ?
You might as well come clean. you don't know who seeded you. she's 34 and will understand--maybe. being a sperm donor and being a father are totally different sometimes. this is one of those cases where you tell her to love her father who raised her.
Tell her you were young, met a guy, dated, thought you loved him, had sex, got pregnant then broke up...… except you would need to know his name for that story. She may want to contact him.