Hesitant

I'm a 47 year old woman. I've been kind of the black sheep in my family because I've never been married and I've always dated younger men. I only started bringing boyfriends to my parents' house by the time I was 30, and the first one I brought was only 20. The oldest man I've ever been with was 30, but I was 40 then. I had my last boyfriend last year, at 46, a 19 year old guy. I can't help myself.
Everyone in my family knows this, whether they like it or not. That includes the younger members, like my sister's son. He turned 19 a few months ago. We've always been tight, but he started behaving weird a few weeks ago. At family gatherings, he's been commenting on my looks in a subdued, but definitely sexual way. Things like how a skirt shows my sexy legs, or what a bombshell I am in a bathing suit. I dismissed them as casual talk of a possibly homosexual teen.
Last week, his mother sent him to help me with some computer stuff. I couldn't download some photos from my phone to my computer, so he came by to hel me with that. Those were pics I took on a date with a guy about his age. He appeared in some of the photos, and he saw them. We were sitting next to each other, as he walked me by the process of it.
He commented on how I always dated guys much younger than myself, and I explained how there was nothing wrong with that. Then he replied that he wouldn't blame them, because I was sexier than most other women. I was kind of in shock and didn't say anything, and he continued to admit that he himself found me desirable. I didn't move, and he took it as a cue to put his hand on my leg. He said he jerked himself off thinking of me since he was 13.
To my surprise I wasn't really disgusted. I was shocked to be sure, but I was turned on. I always am when a young man that age admits he desires me, I didn't stop to think we were related. I didn't say anything, just as he started touching me in a more lewd way, I went with it. It wasn't long before he had me pinned against the table touching my breasts. I could feel his erect penis against my backside, and that's when I snapped out of it. I told him to leave me alone and go away. He stormed out and I haven't seen or heard from him since.
And I'm conflicted, because since that night I've masturbated thinking of him as well. I admit that I want him, too: the taboo is to much to resist. But I don't know if I could go through with it if given the chance.

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