Stressed,dazed and confused

My wife left my daughter and I just over 2 years ago for her boss. She rarely has time to even talk to her own daughter anymore. Recently I took her to court and won child support , under the pretense of her lack of involvement. She didn't even contest and has agreed to help pay for some of the bills associated with that. My daughter on the other hand has always been daddy's little girl , recently she has been acting almost like we are a couple not father and daughter. I know that this is hard to understand and even harder to explain , but she for the most part has even moved into my room and trys to come up with every excuse why she needs to sleep in my bed at night. She has been way less concerned about covering her self up, and often is nearly nude and or very exposed. Some things have happened and I feel like I may end up having a heart attack. I'm a disgusting perverted man. I am going to go to hell.

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23 Comments

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  • Yesterday after receiving multiple tex messages from her , saying things like I love you Dad, I miss you daddy. Do you miss me. Dad are you thinking about me. Not to mention the pictures of her smiling face and her lips puckered together like she was kissing. I sent her a message saying that we really need to talk. Her reply was could she swim in the pool first and would I swim with her or will I hang out on the deck while she does. I answered I will wait inside. She responded well at least I know what you want to talk about now. When she came home she asked if this was going to be one of those one sided talk's or was she going to be able to answer and ask questions as well. I was floored she's 15 not 30 where is she learning this. I told her that of course she could talk and ask questions . My plan was to tell her that she's a minor and she's my daughter so anything more than just a normal father daughter relationship would be inappropriate and illegal . But she started with questions before I could say anything. When she was done quizzing me , I was lost , I was confused and unsure of anything. How could a kid twist me like that and get the upper hand.

  • I would be glad to talk to you more about your situation. My suggestion is to send me your email address. You may want to just make up a fake one for this communication.

  • I would like to talk more with you or anyone else who wants to. I feel it's best if someone leaves their email address or something like that I will contact them.

  • Cleverfool.idiot@gmail.com

  • Don't capitalize the 'C.' Sorry.

  • I recently sent you an email. Hopefully you received it.

  • Received and replied. We're connected.

  • I tried talking to her about everything last night. I thought that I had got threw to her , when I went to bed I realized that no matter what I say or do , I can not stop this.

  • I know that this may be hard for you , but we need details man details.

  • She came into the room and asked me if I loved her. I of course said yes , but before I could say anything else , she asked if she could kiss me. I was hoping it was just a normal kiss I was hoping everything that's been happening was just in my head so I said yes. I was on my back she climbed on top of me and started kissing me (KISSING ME ) then slid down beside me and snuggled up. She was wearing a t shirt long enough to cover herself. My heart must have been pounding because she said for me second time in a day that she loves me and wants me to be happy. She also said that she knows how to keep secrets.

  • This is sexualized behavior, and you must be the adult. Deescalate the situation. When she asked for a kiss, you could turn your face away from her and point to your cheek. She may remove her panties, but you keep your shorts on at all times. Lock the bathroom door when you’re going to shower. If she starts climbing over you, slip away. Tell her that you need to talk about this. Say that she needs a boyfriend and as the Dad, that isn’t you.

  • Thank you for your suggestions , I have to do something because there's no way I can keep her away.

  • Well at 15, she doesn't need to sleep in your bed even if she wants to be there. If she keeps making herself welcome in your bed, slip away and sleep in her's.

    Since you're in such close quarters, you're bound to see something of each other from time to time. She should develop some modesty. If that isn't working, you might study some naturalist websites and learn from other families that do practice nudity at home.

    Still in either case, you need clear guidelines. You may accept nudity, but that doesn't mean sexualized behavior. Remember that you're still going to want a relationship with this girl when she's 30 and you're 65.

    Keep us posted.

  • Not hard to understand. She feels somewhat responsible for being the womanly presence in your home and life. She understands you need that, and she has no competition or obstacle to block her. From her perspective, it may seem somewhat natural.

    Since some things have happened already, there's a likelihood that you're going to cross the line. If that happens and you two do it, she'll own you. She's not likely to quit any time soon, and she'll very quickly become extremely protective of that relationship. She'll learn fast and there's no way she'll let you back out.

    You'd better watch yourself. Especially since you've always been close. She can bring you down REAL fast.

  • Not a bad summation. The man gives little indication regarding his daughter's age, trust, or intelligence. MUCH of this rests on what she is learning or has learned from her peers or has learned being outside the home. He may not be aware of what a "firecracker" his daughter could develop into. i.e. once a girl is corrupted by outside sources, they may learn the art of manipulation rapidly thus ; owning her father.

    On the other hand, if his daughter has been kept more innocent, he can control & keep a upper hand on her. Either way, he will be required to become a tightrope artist regarding their relationship.

    Already, the girl is starting by taunting her charms, lacking coverup. Unfortunately, it appears she has the advantage & will know how to keep it.
    The stress alone of this could likely kill him faster than a m.i.

  • The 'innocent' thing may not play in his favor. If she's intelligent and sexually precocious, she'll combine innocence with intuitive knowledge to weave a web around him.

  • She came in my bed last night only wearing little panties

  • Clearly, she has no problem with this. Since she makes any flimsy excuse to join you in your bed, it's also clear that she much prefers your presence to your absence. She's there to stay. And you don't mention an excuse for joining you last night. It looks as if she just 'came in my bed.'

    So she now thinks of your bed as 'her and your' bed – as you say, ‘acting almost like we are a couple.’ After all, those ARE your arrangements. And she’ll do as she pleases in 'her' bed. Don't count on the panties lasting long.

    There’s another extremely significant point. Two years have lapsed since the ex quit you two. Coming 2 years since then [as the custody/support issues were settled] means that her behaviors are very deliberate. I have a hunch – and I tend to have good hunches – that the ‘couple’ role may be her strategy for dealing with the breakup of her family; it may be that she 'needs' this to ‘normalize’ the new ‘family’ relationship in which she finds herself. She needs a 'mom' figure. Maybe she feels being that will stabilize her ‘family’ situation.

    I don’t know how ‘old’ her THINKING is but maybe there's some retribution here. Mom took her boss who may have been married himself. Perhaps she is assuming the ‘other woman’ role with you to hand mom well-deserved karma.

    Again, maybe she feels insecure and needs her daddy. Only you can decide. I'm telling you so you won't be shocked by what happens. Being 'stressed, dazed and confused' won't help you keep your equilibrium in this situation.

    Write again.

  • I appreciate you and your input , so with that being said. Thank you. This sounds sickening to verbally say or to write to a complete stranger. She's becoming very heated and I'm beginning to fail in my resistance. It seems like every second of every day she becomes more and more aware that eventually I will cave in. She came into the bathroom this morning when I was in the shower , asking a bunch of meaningless questions , she was wearing a bra and shorts. I tried not to look I tried not to get hard. I'm afraid to go down stairs right now but she's making breakfast.

  • It’s BECAUSE we’re strangers that you CAN speak. What does ‘becoming very heated’ mean? Her asking ‘what top should I wear with these shorts’ might be a ‘meaningless question’ for her while presenting a very sexual situation for you because she’s clad in shorts and a bra. That isn’t necessarily sexual.

    We had a guy here just over a year ago. His daughter got sent home from school because of her attire. He met her at the door and was shocked and furious. He confiscated her phone and sent her to her room. He thought to check her phone for clues about her behavior. He found pictures and videos of her nude, and videos of her masturbating.

    He made the mistake of going to his room to masturbate himself watching her phone. That was when he heard her voice, ‘enjoying my phone, Dad?’ He was busted! She started taking more videos of herself, and whenever they were alone, she would HAND him the phone, knowing what he’d do with it.

    I told him that she was extremely precocious and that he ran the risk of her taking all the power to herself, playing him like a violin, and being completely reactive as she toyed and spun a web around him. He admitted that this was exactly what had happened, and that it was as if I was living there.

    About 8-9 months ago, he stopped writing. I posted to say that she’d broken him. He never replied. But that was unmistakably sexual. But it isn’t clear that she's being sexual in your situation. It may be sexual to YOU because you’re looking at a young woman in shorts and a bra.

    On the other hand, upping the ante every other day does resemble a 'frog in a kettle of slowly warming water.' You've given us 'snapshot moments,' but no dialogue or details to interpret what she's doing. Also, we don't know if she's 11 or 16. That matters in your response.

  • When I say that she becomes very heated, it's more than obvious if you were here you would notice that she's actually getting noticeably horny. Her eyes are lustful, she softly touches her sides or my chest. It's even noticable with her erect nipples poking through what ever she may be wearing. When I was in the shower this morning trying to hide the fact that I was becoming sexually aroused , she made it a point to stare into my eyes to make sure that I was watching her then her eyes went to my penis. she continued to talk but slowed down and continuously licked her upper lip. I finally went down stairs for breakfast after I showered after I ate. She sat on the chair beside me and said that she wants me to be happy and told me that she would do anything for me. Then made a point of touching my leg and saying even if we have to keep it a secret. I could barely swallow I could only stare at her. I am hiding in the reck room afraid to go into the backyard , she made a point to tell me she was going to swim in the pool and probably sun bathe for awhile. I'm even afraid to look out the window to see her. She just turned 15 on the 2nd

  • I broke down to look through the window. She's in and out of the pool. Wearing only her bottoms. It's becoming more and more of a thing for her to be topless or to wear very small tops.

  • Lucky

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