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Heavy girl depression
I've always struggled with my weight. I'm 5'4" and currently 215 lbs, but I've been slightly slimmer in the past. I'm 24 and have dated a lot of guys, but I think I've been used for sex often. Guys always seem to like me for a bit when we are new and having sex, then say subtle mean things about my weight as I seek commitment, and eventually they move on to date thinner girls. It is a trend. I want to be myself and have a prince charming long-term.
I've been told that my face is very pretty, and I dress well. I have a good job and I'm college educated. I've been willing to do things to keep guys that I wouldn't ordinarily prefer, such as taking cock in my ass, swallowing while giving bjs, or letting a guy cum on my face. Those aren't things that get me hot, but I do them, because I know guys like that. And it's not like I'm a vanilla-type when it comes to sex, because I've dated guys who have encouraged me to try threesomes, bondage and stuff, and I've done it. But my boyfriends always eventually leave.
So here I sit in my studio apartment on a weekend, alone and depressed. I have few friends and no guy currently in my life. What is it going to take?!? The reality is that I'm never going to be a swimsuit model, and I'm not a crazy bitch like many of the girls for whom guys leave me. I have no desire but to have love in my life and give it back. I am so depressed.
You sound like a fantastic woman. Don’t worry about them , focus on you . Make your self Happy.
Start putting yourself first. You're trying to hard to please a man. Acting like a door mat leads to being treated like a door mat. Take care of yourself. No need to go on a crazy diet or extreme fitness routine but start walking. If you already do, then walk more. Use your walk as a chance to enjoy the fresh air and sunshine. Get good nights sleep, not too little, not too much. Make a list of your bad eating habits and choose one to eliminate, don't worry about the others. Or cut back one day a week.
Practice and learn how to have a natural smile on your face at all times. Not some crazy grin like 8 yr olds do but just a pleasant upturn at the corners of your mouth. Allow yourself to buy a new special article of clothing every month or quarterly, whatever your budget allows. Go for quality, classic looks that will last forever. Then decide on a hobby to take up. All these things will make you a more interesting person, someone people like to be around. Consider taking up a team type sport to get to know other people in a normal, fun setting instead of just work or bars. Try bowling or pickleball that is so hot right now, and easy and fun! Consider a low maintenance pet so you can continue to focus on another but it will not become obsessive or a burden. A fish? Guinea pig? A cat? They are always your best unconditional love friend.
Then when you meet a new guy, make a conscious effort to be interested in them and get to know their likes, but don't hesitate to let them know yours too! Stop thinking you know what guys want and stick the the area you do know... that is what YOU like. Your self-esteem will be lifted and you'll attract a better quality person. Don't be too quick to jump between the sheets but don't be a prude either. When you notice a guy is only caring about himself, dump him before he dumps you. Easy changes like I've listed will make you a better person and you have to think of you first so others will think of you as well.
P.S. Forgot to say, you'll still meet jerks, you'll still have bad experiences... that's life! But you will have set the bar higher and have more self respect and you'll notice your tolerance for men with bad behavior will change. They won't be worth your time. I'm guessing at this point when a guy leaves you, you are either chasing him, pining away for him endlessly or just feeling sorry for yourself. None of which is healthy. Unfortunately all those experiences with other people happen to everyone, it's up to you to decide how you want to get past or over it. Good luck!
That is good advice.
Did you ever date a black man?