Sexual reoccurring nightmare (long and semi-detailed)
I'm female, and 27 years old. I've really been wanting to get this off my chest, so i'll just say it. I've been having a reoccurring rape dream lately. I would call it a nightmare only because half way through, it gets violent.
It begins with me in my bedroom, either laying down on my stomach or my back. A shadow pins me down, throws the covers off me, and begins sliding their hands under my t-shirt. I'll admit, it starts off intimately. With this figure touching my breasts, playing with my nipples, and then following down to my side. After that, i'm normally kissed, or my shirt is pulled above my breasts. I don't wear pants to bed, but in the dream i wear shorts or yoga pants. When my bottoms are removed, but becomes violent. They tear down my underwear with one hand, hold me into the mattress by my throat or neck, and then shove their way inside of me. The sex is rough and ridiculously vivid. Normally painful in my dream, but after a while, i just don't feel it. I can't speak, i'm being held down- i remember not being able to move, or being too scared to (paralyzed maybe?). And then the stranger switching holes to violate my 'no-go' zone too.
Pause: Look, i like rough sex. But i'm not really...an anal person. So that mixed with the rape, really makes this a nightmare for me.
Continuing: When they are done having their way, the person pulls out. But they don't leave. They use their fingers to toy with me. And in my most recent nightmares, they also fisted me too... Again, in -both- holes, and it doesn't feel pleasant. Thankfully, I'm usually able to force myself awake at this point, or slightly before.
I don't really like the second half of this nightmare. But the first half is pretty appealing. I don't know if this is a sick fantasy, or one of those weird dreams from not having sex for a long time. I frankly needed to get this off my chest, because it's been getting to me lately. Should i seek professional help? Does anyone know what the fuck is wrong with me?
Note: If you're going to comment, please make it advise or something relevant. I'm embarrassed enough as it is. If this wasn't a confession site, i wouldn't be telling anyone at all.