I've known this guy for seventeen years now. We were in a relationship for 2 years and just as things were getting serious he dumped me. He said he had to be honest with me and he loved me but wasn't in love with me. I was so in love with him and I told him I'd settle for just 'love' and fuck being 'in love' but he said I deserved more than he could give me.
I don't know what it is about this guy, all I know is that when I am with him I feel happy and complete in a way that I have never felt with any other person. My daughter is the only one that understands. She said when I am with him I am always smiling, I always look happy in a hundred subtle ways, my eyes sparkle and I laugh a lot and she says he is THE ONE for me.
We make each other laugh, he has a weird sense of humour like me and we laugh at things noone else finds amusing. We have never argued or even raised our voices at each other. We can talk for hours or just sit in comfortable silence. We connect in a way that I've never known with anyone else.
He is an ordinary man in every way. He is not especially good looking, he isn't tall, rich or successful. We just connect.
Then there is the sex. The best sex I have ever had in my life. Nothing else and none else has ever come anywhere close to it. When we broke up that first time my heart used to ache for him but so did my pussy. My pussy actually ached with a physical pain for him. I'd never known anything like it. It was terrible.
I have never felt so comfortable with a man and it was like that right from the start with him. The first time we had sex I let myself go completely. I told him what I liked and what I wanted and he did the same with me. First time sex is usually awkward but this was so natural in a way I had never known before. I can do things with him I could never do with any other man.
He enthusiastically embraced all of my weird little turnons and all of my really weird turnons and I did the same with him. I have never held back with him, never hesitated and never worried for an instant that he might think I was weird or acting slutty.
We've had this on and off relationship ever since we broke up 15 years ago. I've been married twice now and it only stopped for about a year after my first marriage. At first we'd get back together for a few months and everything would be perfect then he'd start this love vs being in love shit and he'd leave me.
After I got married we'd have these flings that lasted weeks or months when I'd go to his place every chance I got but the guilt always used to eventually get to me and I'd have to stop. A few months alter we'd be at it again.
I always believed that one day we would end up together but now I'm not so sure. He has never married and he has had girlfriends but never anything serious. I've been married and divorced twice since I first met him and now we are both single available, yet he is happy with things the way they are.
Now we have these sexual liaisons that last for weeks with months of nothingness in between them. I'm fast approaching 40 and can't help thinking time is running out. I'm not seeing anyone else and neither is he, as far as I know. The sex is even better than ever but I know it isn't just about the sex. I know it's much more than that. I know that I am in love with him and always have been.
I don't know what to do or even if there is anything I can do but it helps to put it all down in writing even if that doesn't provide a solution.