Account Login
On ThePornDude Hall-of-Fame
I feel like I can't turn my boyfriend on
I feel like I can't turn my boyfriend on.
When we frst got together he was all over me. We used to have sex sometimes 5 times a day. We've been together about 2 years now, and of course, the urgency around sex dwindled. We do still have sex, but I am constantly horny, and he isn't so much. He's a big gamer so he spends most of his time on his games and Skyping with his friends, which I don't mind as I game too. The thing is, I feel like he doesn't really get turned on by me anymore.
I've noticed sex has decreased a lot, to the point where it's once a week, sometimes not even that. Not for my lack of trying. I've tried kissing him in all the right places, making an extra effort with my appearance, telling him straight up that I want his dick. But he kind of just laughs at me and calls me "cute" and carries on with his games. Now, I definately don't have the best confidence, but I admit I'm not a bad looking girl. A little short, blue eyes, blonde hair. Not fat, but not skinny. I have a bit of a "belly pouch" from having my daughter, and though I hate it, it's not disgustingly off-putting, and my boyfriend usually rubs my belly or kisses it and says it's beautiful. But it frustrates me that I'm trying to be sexy and seductive and he just thinks "cute". I don't mind being cute, but I want to be amazingly sexy to him too...
I cried the other week because half of the time he just wants a blow job, and I always give him one. But it's not really giving me any relief. And it upsets me that I'll be telling him for days how horny I am and that I want him, and when we finally do stuff he fingers me for 5mins and he's gets a blowjob and it's done. A quick 5mins of his fingers isn't a release for me, if anything it just frustrates me more. And if we do have sex, it's always me on top. He puts no effort into it.
I asked why I didn't turn him on, and he said I do, but he thinks it's sexier when I instigate it. Like I said, I'm not very confident, but I want to make him happy so I built up the courage one morning and came onto him. At first I felt really empowered and in control, until I realised he seemed to be having a hard time "standing up to the task". He just didn't seem like he was into it which has really knocked my confidence, and now I don't dare be the one that makes the first move. It's been a good few days since we last had sex (the last time we did he'd woken up from a "sexy dream" and I hadn't seen him that hard for a while. The sex was amazing, and after I asked him what his dream was about and he just said "it was just really raunchy". I assume that means it wasn't about me. It makes me feel bad that a dream that I don't even think I was in can make him harder than I can).
Yesterday I was incredibly horny all day. I was out for the day but messaged him telling him I'd been thinking about him all day and that I was basically dripping, which he always seems to make him grin. But of course, despite me trying to tempt him to bed last night, he sat on his game until god knows what time this morning. I have no doubt that he loves me, I know he does, and our relationship is perfect. I just don't know how to deal with the lack of sex. He seems so uninterested and it makes me feel so undesirable. I want him to throw me around the bedroom like he used to do. When he used to take his time with me and really be into it.
I'm almost crying every night, and I think he knows it's really bothering me but he's choosing not to mention it. We have only ever fallen out a couple of times, and everytime we've fallen out it has been about sex, so I don't want to bring this up with him as I don't want to cause an argument. But it's destroying me. I feel like I'm just not sexy enough for him and it kills me that I can't pry him away from his games with guaranteed sex. I feel like I'm rejected all the time.
Omg iv just read this and genuinely thought I could be the one writing this I'm the same and since having our daughter only 16weeks ago I'm feeling like I don't turn him on I have also noticed porn on his phone but he lies and says its not him it was convincing at first but to many red flags and also I'm not stupid and I'm the same tried putting on somthing sexy for him I'd go for a shower come out wear somthing he had asked me to wear previously but then sometimes by time I was out shower he would be sleeping then a few times I would look at his phone and it would say their had been porn so yea kinda upset me a bit so I'd end up downing loads of drink sometimes arguing with him and having t lie their and cry myself to sleep but it's going to far iv never been confident but he's really knocked my confidence now that i go to another room to get changed I don't know what to do anymore he says he loves me and I do turn him on but actions speak louder than words
Lmaooo same, it's only been just over a year, and I've stopped trying too. I'm pretty sure he still watches porn, so i can relate to the feeling of 'other women turning him on but not me'. He says he's willing to go down on me when I'm horny but he's not, but i guess what i really want is for him to get really turned on by me again and get thrown on the bed to be ravaged :)
I am currently in this situation! Although my boyfriend and I have been in a long distance relationship for 2 years now, but we never really had a problem about doing it through video calls. But now, even though I always instigate it, he just seems to brush it off and it is making me insecure :( he's not cheating, I know, because he still video calls me everyday.
Girl we so need to talk about to go get rejected!
Girl I feel that same damn way everything you said I'm like holy crap!
I’ve tried EVERYTHING I’m not the problem! Don’t know what to do 😒
Ask him what he fantasizes about, and then make that fantasy come true. Sometimes just discussing fantasies will get guys in the mood. His sex drive probably just tapers off after so long of the same things.
Saaaaame, girl you're not alone
First off, he should pay a lot more attention to you. 2nd, maybe you got a guy who just wants to love you and thinks it's more important than sex. I know games can be consuming, but that's no excuse to not care about how you feel. If I was him, I'd fuck you while you're playing games or something. Be random. I do hope he's not sexually interested in someone else on the side. Hope you 2 can work through it.
Drop the motherfucker already. You've had your best times with him, it's time to move on. Sorry, but you're unhappy with this relationship and it's ended for you quite a while ago. Cry it out, stand up for yourself, get some good friends (or close family) for some support for what's going to be a trying time. Line yourself up financially as best as you can and move on with your life. You can still love him from a distance, and love what you've had in the past, but face it - it's over and you're putting yourself through hell.
I agree she needs to find a man who'll appreciate her. Not a boy who's only interested in playing on-line games.
Don't keep your feelings and desires bottled up. It will only continue to destroy you inside. You need to talk to him and work this out or find a new boyfriend who will give you the sex you clearly want and deserve.