The long and short of it

Bless me father for I have sinned... blah blah blah - oh, not that kind of confession?

Ok, so this is about my first foray into the physical side of being gay. I was 20 and had known I was gay for some years, but, whilst I had masturbated (often) to the men's underwear section of Kays catalogue, like most gay lads my age at that time, I had never actually been with a guy - never so much as sucked a cock, let alone taken one up my hoop.

Gaydar, the online dating site, was still in its infancy, and pictures of prospective shags, erm, I mean future boyfriends, were limited. Anyway, feeling rather horny and brave one evening, I plucked up the courage to message a guy whose profile I liked the sound of. To my amazement, he replied. We chatted for a few nights then decided to meet up, arranging to meet in a McDonalds - hey, it was the early 90's, posh things like Starbucks hadn't found their way to Newcastle at the time!

The day had come, I turned up nervously, waiting for him to arrive. I had no idea what he looked like, and he had only seen a picture of my ass, so this could be tricky! He said he would be wearing a Sunderland scarf - narrowed it down somewhat! After a few minutes, he arrived and we found each other. He was a proper thug looking chav and my cock immediately went rock hard. We chatted for some time then he suggested to go back to his. Of course I jumped at the chance.

When we got to his we immediately started kissing - he had delicious thick soft lips. We fumbled to get each other naked and in a couple of minutes we were writhing on the bed, naked.

Jesus, he was enormous (I since found out that he was pretty average actually, but, being an anal virgin, a Bic biro would have seemed like a challenge at the time). He asked me if he could fuck me. I of course agreed. He rubbered and lubed up, spat in my hoop, then proceeded to rip seven shades of hell into my delicate virgin hole! I screamed with every inch and thrust - and I mean screamed! Biting the pillow just didn't seem to work. "oh please hurry up and shoot your load!" I thought to myself. Thankfully, it ended fairly quickly. I was ripped to shreds! But god was he hot!! After a few snogs and pillow talk, I got dressed to leave and agreed to see each other again.

I was determined to not seem like such a pussy for our next meet, so I had to do something about it. I had no sex toys so had to think of a suitable replacement. I went to the supermarket and fingered through the carrots, looking for a comparable size. I bought 5. Well, I didn't want then checkout girl getting suspicious!

When I got home, I proceeded to ease the chosen carrot inside my ass, very gingerly and very very carefully. I had to get my ass used to having something going up it (rather than the other way round). The only thing I could think of was to shove it right in and keep it in for a long as possible,

For the whole weekend I was walking round with this carrot shoved up my hoop - to go to town, shopping, drinking with my mates, watching TV. It only came out when I needed to take a dump.

I must have wanted to cum about 20 times - and my cock would barely stay flaccid!

Anyway, the time came for our second meet. We got straight down to it - he wasn't much into romantic chit-chat - and the moment came. He penetrated me with the force of a thousand chicken drumsticks and once again my ass was ripped to shreds!

It was a waste of a perfectly edible carrot!

I since worked out the techniques of taking cock anally without needing gas and air - and I've become a bit of an expert. I've since moved on to bigger and better things - and no vegetables have since been harmed in the process.

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