F/49 - I entertain gentlemen in my home for money

I was married for fifteen years to the only man I ever had sex with. I have a young son and he lives with me.

What happened was, at about the thirteen year mark my husband began having an affair. Looking back I think I knew about it but I didn’t want to believe it. He finally said he didn't want to live in deception any longer and admitted his affair to me and also that he was leaving.

Fast forward a couple years. I haven’t been on a date, I think I’m getting better but you take it a day at a time. My best friend tells me I just need to get laid. She says it jokingly of course, but I think why can’t I just have meaningless sex? It’s a stupid thing to do but I go to one of the dating sites online and put myself out there. I met a guy and we had a one night stand. It was as awkward and unfulfilling as you might expect from a woman who has only slept with one man in her entire life, and hadn't had sex in three years. He seemed to be so embarrassed by the night that he tipped me. Like I was a hooker. He gave me money and said he appreciated my time and giving him a chance.

I’ll cut to the chase; a few months after that night I sacrificed a lot of dignity and start having regular “clients” out of my house. I have five gentlemen "friends" and I see them each week. They pay for an hour - sometimes they pay for more. I greet them at the door in sexy lingerie, generally they talk about their lives. I’m amazed at how often they just want to talk, but almost always something sexual happens - blowjobs mostly, all the way to completion in my mouth (I'm OK with that). These are older guys, a blowjob is usually all they're up for, but sometimes they go for full-on sex. A couple of them I let fuck me in the ass - they pay more for that, a LOT more.

None of my friends or family know. And no I haven’t dated anyone since the divorce. I have dated and I have had sexual encounters since the divorce but I have these five men who treat me well and value me, plus pay me a lot. I know I should stop but I feel so valued and special that I just feel drunk on the attention. It may not be ideal but I don’t think I want to change it right now. I don’t think I can .

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