Nothing is better than the real thing

I'm having sex with my best friend's husband.
I'm 41 and five years ago I lost my husband in a motorcycle accident. A woman ran a red-light. I spent the next few years as a recluse & raising our son. He graduated high school last summer and joined the military.
Before my husband's accident I was 145lb but I'd lost so much weight my cloths were falling off. I was almost 100lb. My parents and best friend was concerned. I joined a gym & got a health coach. I began eating healthy and exercising along with yoga and palates. My confidence had returned and I felt like I was ready to date again because my nest was empty. Going home alone sucked.
I went out with a few co-workers and blind dates from friends. Nothing. Tried online dating once. OMG! Never do that again! Didn't go out once because everyone on there was creepy and only wanted a one time hookup.
Since this is anonymous, I'll get it out there.
To satisfy urges, I tried a few toys and I'm not into that. Again, this is anonymous so I'll admit nothing can satisfy the feeling of a man's warm body and hard penis. Nothing can substitute giving oral to a real penis for long periods of time. Nothing can substitute the feeling of that warm & hard penis penetrating with deep thrusts and filling you up. Nothing!
I've known my best friend and her husband J since high school. I guess you've figured I still live in the same town I grew up in. lol
Heck, before J met my best friend, we went out twice but that was it. Guess I should clarify we didn't have sex or even kiss. We were both 16 at the time and just got a car.
My best friend knew we'd went out but didn't care because we were young and I'd met my late husband. The four of us became friends and remained close until my husband's death.
This past March, I went to run some errands, got in my car and it wouldn't start. I have AAA but I've never used it and didn't know how long it would take. It was early so I message J. He was about to leave for work and told me he'd stop by with a jump starter, by the way, I know own one.
Thankfully the car started. J's a realtor so he was in no hurry and went with me to purchase a new battery and a battery booster.
We came back to my place and he came in for coffee. We talked like we have for years. He asked about my personal life and dating. I didn't go into detail but I told him I think I'm going to be alone because there are no more good men out there. He gave me kind compliments and told me to be patient because I was kind, caring and very attractive. For some reason, his compliments triggered something and I became aroused. Within seconds we were having much needed sex in my bed, I climaxed with him quickly but we continued till we were both spent. Feeling his warm release was relaxing.
J was my first since my late husband.
Since then, we've been making time to have sex.
There are no worries for pregnancy. I knew he'd been snipped 10 years prior because my husband did first and my friend told me they were done having kids so after J talked with my husband he went two months later.
Thankfully things between J and I are not awkward. We both agree all we want is just sex but I'm worried if my best friend ever found out she'd be upset and not understand. I know I probably would. I've thought about confessing & telling her I don't want to steal her husband, I'm just wanting a 'no strings attached' friend with benefits but I'm afraid that would just muddy the waters worst.
I've had such a bad experience dating, I don't want to look any longer but a female does have urges.
Sorry this is long & boring.
Signed,
Lonely middle aged female.