It's been too long

I'm 51 M. My cousin is 50 M. We are both married with children and have pretty normal lives. We grew up like brothers and lived really close to each other so we were always together. Long story short, we've had gay sex with each other since we were young children. Started with touching, then to sucking and eventually fucking. As we got older the hookups got less frequent due to life in general. Before I got remarried and moved a little farther from him, I would get home from work in the morning and the kids would be at school so I'd lock myself away in my bedroom, take a couple of Adderall and put on panties and stockings that the last woman in my life had left behind. As the meds took affect I'd get real gay horny. I'd have a couple shots of liquor and settle back into my bed with some sex toys and watch porn while rubbing myself and sliding small then bigger toys in my ass. What really got me turned on was taking pics of myself in lingerie with my ass filled. I'd stroke my cock and watch smoking fetish porn and fantasize that I was smoking and getting fucked like the women in the video. After a while I'd throw some clothes over the lingerie and go on my porch which is kinda hidden but kinda visible from the road and smoke a couple of Virginia Slims 120 menthols. Usually I'd have a small plug in my ass and be rubbing my cock through my pants feeling really horny and feminine trying to smoke like a woman. Eventually I'd switch to gay crossdressing porn while I was smoking and want dick really bad. My cousin lived really close and worked for himself from home so I knew I could seduce him into coming over. I'd just text him a pic of my ass in panties with a big dildo all the way in, or a picture with multiple small toys inside me at the same time. He couldn't help but be turned on by my ass being used. He was never a big fan of the crossdressing but that didn't stop him. I'd go back in my bed and text him asking if he could come over for a few minutes and I'd promise no strings attached. In less than 5 minutes he'd come into my bedroom and I'd be working my lubed ass with a big vibrator or the 12" double dong that I loved. He'd walk in the bedroom and be taking his pants off at the same time. Most times I'd grab his cock and in my mouth it went. I'd feel it growing and getting hard so I'd pull my toy out and get in position to get fucked. Sometimes doggy style and sometimes, what I really liked was missionary. I wanted to feel like a sexy woman getting fucked. It was never romantic though. We weren't into kissing so he'd just start fucking me. In less than 10 minutes from coming in the room, he'd get deeper and faster and cum as far in me as he could. Then he'd catch his breath for a second, get dressed and leave me there like a cum filled slut. I'd go back out to smoke like a woman then back in the house to jerk myself off and stuff my ass some more. After an hour or two, I'd have to get serious about making myself cum because I had real life stuff to accomplish. I've been watching gay porn a lot recently and I really want to get fucked again soon. We never talked about what we did over all the years, we just new when we were alone we were gonna be sexual. Recently I was so horny for him I called him and worked small talk into sex talk. I kinda thought he had lost interest in fucking me since he got remarried. It's been 5 years since we've done anything. To my surprise he was all about it. I told him we needed and excuse for a road trip with a hotel room like we used to do when we were younger and single. He said I should just come to his house one day and I could get fucked. I would really rather a longer experience after all these years. I want to dress up and have some drinks and play with anal toys in the hotel bed. I wanna show him what kind of porn turns me on now. I wanna taste his cock again and watch him stroking it and see him insert a dildo into his ass. I know he'd smoke a little weed (I can't cuz of work) and be high and horny. After some time drinking and playing and sucking each other, I'd lay back with my legs open and sparkly black heels on and let him fuck me as hard as he wanted to. Writing this had made me decide that I'm just gonna go give him my ass at his soon and have to wait patiently for what I really want. Oh, and we've both never had sex with other men just each other. Me and our other cousin did attempt fucking one night when we were rolling balls on X but he couldn't get hard . It didn't work and we never mentioned it after. X used to make me super gay. It was just me and him in his house that night, and I started rubbing my soft cock and fingering myself in front of my cousin that I had no idea what he'd think about it. He went to the back and came back with Vaseline and his ex wifes huge dildo and handed it to me. Finally I was so high, and feeling love like, that I bent over the couch and just told him to try to put his dick in me. The X was way too good, nobody was getting hard that night. So we just sat back listened to techno and masturbated ourselves. IDK if he would have gay tendencies or not normally. I have been fantasizing about being a slut when I'm with both cousins, start fucking the one I know will and seduce the other one to take turns fucking me. I may work on that one day. Last thing, I said we never kissed when we had sex mostly because he didn't want to. Felt kinda weird, my biggest thing to bust my nut now when watching porn and masturbating is gay missionary fucking and sloppy wet kissing. I haven't some it yet but watching it makes me cum so hard

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