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Relationship advice from my father
I was planning a little getaway for our seventh anniversary and my wife had been extremely emotional and very unhelpful with the planning. In fact, she was refusing to go and almost inconsolable when pressed as to why. One evening, she confessed that she had been having an affair She explained that it was over, but she felt that she needed to tell me so that we could work it out since it was affecting our marriage. She said that she had been having sex with a guy that she used to work with a few years ago and had recently reconnected with him. She didn’t intend to let it get that far but she let herself have intercourse with him. She said the affair lasted about four months and she finally decided to end it when she realized that he was just using her for sex.
I did not handle her confession well and after spent a few nights on the couch, I packed my suitcase and started staying over at my parent’s house. I was in the garage assisting my dad who was working on changing the brake pads on mom’s car. My father never showed much emotion, and I could probably count on one hand the number of times that he ever hugged me. He was a man that showed his love through his actions, and I can honestly say that I always knew that he loved me. I never questioned that. Working on a vehicle together was one of the ways that we connected. This night would be one of the most memorable.
Although my dad and I had never directly talked about what was going on between my wife and I, he had gathered enough information to know that she had had an affair, and I was struggling to accept her infidelity. I needed some advice but didn’t know how to ask. My father, who when he did speak about anything emotional, would always get straight to the point. This evening would be no different. In the midst of replacing a rotor, he simply asked me if I loved my wife. After I told him that I did. As he continued working, he instructed me to go home and forgive her. He explained that biologically women were not designed to remain faithful and that a typical wife will have many affairs over the course of her marriage. He said that it doesn’t mean that she doesn’t love you, she is just doing what comes naturally. I was so confused and tried to explain . He interrupted and said that I could divorce my wife and then marry another woman. But I will be miserable for the rest of my life if I continued to expect any woman to remain faithful for long. I asked him about mom. He was not thrilled with me asking that question. After a long pause, my dad just said that he loves my mom and supports her in everything she desires. I pressed, but he made it clear that that my mother’s sex life was a subject that was not up for discussion and that the specifics of my wife’s should not be discussed either. He repeated that I should go home, forgive my wife and tell her that I love her no matter what she does. I objected and asked him if I was just supposed to be a cuckold. He corrected me and said that the proper term is stag. He followed up by saying that it is not infidelity if I give her permission. He said, Cuckolds are husbands that are delusional, Stags are husbands that accept reality. I was stunned and tried to ask more questions. My dad made it clear that the discussion was over. I could barely sleep that night as I mulled his advice. The following day, I went home and forgave my wife. We privately rewrote our marriage vows and then went on our anniversary getaway. We have been happily married for over thirty-five years now even though my wife has taken eight other lovers. Dad was right.
My wife left me for 4 months to live with another man in another state. I asked her to keep the door key if she likes to return one day. She did return, I did not ask her for any details or confession. I always tell her that I trust that she will do the right thing and we all cave in for temptations.
My wife took a six month temporary assignment in another state from her company last year while they closed the office there. She would be gone for two weeks at a time. The company rented a furnished apartment for her. I discovered that I had an unused flex vacation days and decided to surprise her by visiting her over a the weekend. I left early on Friday morning and drove all day. I arrived at her place around 3pm. I got the maintenance manager to let me into the apartment. To my surprise it was really obvious that she was not living alone. I left without disturbing anything and hung around long enough to see her and another man arrive together after work. I got a hotel room and stayed long enough to see them together leave to go shopping at the grocery store the next morning. I drove home and never told her what I had witnessed. She gave me no indication that anything was happening at her other place and behaved quite lovingly with me when she was home. After the assignment, she moved back home after the six months. I hope it was just something that she needed to experience.
GC -Thank you for sharing, I will print and post this confession in my home so others benefit from yet. bless you and bless your parents.
And yet we always hear how men are the ones who are likely to cheat. We are told that women are more likely to be faithful. Yet this story contradicts that by saying women are somehow cheaters and you have to accept that. Story is unbelievable.
No one can resist tempation
Ok, lets look at the facts. You always hear that men are the ones who are likely to cheat and women are more likely to be faithful. For cis gendered interactions, it takes one man and one woman to cheat. Yet somehow we accept statistics that show that men cheat more.
“ cis gendered…”
There’s a phrase retards use.
So your dad's experienced advice to you was to essentially accept that your wife has no respect for your marriage? Then said every other woman you could marry would be the same way? I'm not sure this story is even real. What utter bullshit.
Says the man who has been divorced twice
Good advice from experience.
My wife had her first affair two months before our fifth anniversary. I was heartbroken but forgave her. I didn't know about her second affair until years later. I forgave that one as well. She asked permission for her third in advance. We have been married for 32 years and I realize that she loves me and intends on staying married but she needs other lovers to be, dare I say, sane.