A view from his perspective

I am still trying to process what happened three weeks ago. My husband had been experiencing a string of unexpected medical issues lately and it had been affecting him emotionally as well as physically. Although it had been several years since my husband and I had played, I felt like we needed a little sexual adventure as stress relief and a rekindling of our love life. I know it sounds strange, but temporarily bringing another man into our bedroom has always served to bring us closer together as a couple. When we do indulge in the lifestyle, I am regenerated by the physical experience and my husband is enthralled by watching me have sex with another man. Our interpersonal communication is invigorated in the planning of the adventure and continues for several weeks afterwards as we discuss the details our escapade and our physical and emotional feelings. I felt that this would be good for us. So, I asked my husband to arrange a sexual encounter for me with a stranger.

We reserved a hotel room at a nearby and invited a man to join us that we met online from a website that specializes in facilitating these types of connections. The encounter started as expected and our new friend and I had intercourse while my husband watched. Although I enjoyed the experience, my new lover seemed interested in performing like a porn star. He changed positions too often and more seemed preoccupied with showing off for my husband and himself than satisfying my physical desires. After one mediocre orgasm, I quickly lost interest and was ready to put an end to the festivities.

I could sense a great disappointment in our new friend as he stood by the bed sensing that we were done. In a last gasp, he almost pleadingly stated that he had not yet cum. Perhaps it was pity or my sense of fairness, but I signaled for him to get back onto the bed and offered him my body. He got on top of me and entered me again. Through all the years that I have had intercourse, I have always done so with the intention of enjoying the act myself. That had always been my focus. This was the first time that I was allowing my body to be used only for his pleasure. While he was fucking me, I realized that I couldn’t even remember his name or if it had ever been told to me. The lack of any emotional attraction and the lack of sexual desire on my part permitted me to view the act from a different perspective than I have ever done before. I just lay there and studied his physical reaction to using my body for his pleasure. For the first few minutes, I was thinking to myself, why am I subjecting myself to this, and that I hoped he would just cum quickly. However, I could feel his whole-body stiffening as he got closer to orgasm, the sudden release inside of me, his quivering, and his relaxation afterwards. Initially I felt humiliated for allowing myself to be used in that way and I sprang from the bed.

The atmosphere in the room was courteous, but not friendly and he left shortly afterwards. My husband could sense that I was not pleased by what had transpired and we hugged. One of the things that helps an adventure like this to bring us closer together is the way that we can openly discuss our feelings, and this was no exception. We both had the same disappointment in the performance. We hugged. I wanted to escape this place, but my husband convinced me to spend the night in the hotel room with him and we slept without having sex ourselves. It felt good to be in his arms.

What I am still trying to process three weeks later is that although my initial impression of allowing myself to be used as a sex object was humiliating, I now find myself almost constantly getting horny thinking about just lying there on the bed and allowing that stranger to ejaculate inside me without any emotional involvement. Since I wasn’t distracted by my own response, I was keenly aware the physical process that a man’s body goes through as he reaches orgasm from intercourse. It is like I had an epiphany and I long to experience it again.

By Anonymous Sep 12

Desire CONFESSION

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