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I'm so fucking gross
I got cheated on for a month and I didn't even know it until after we broke up. It fucking destroyed me and I didn't even realize it did, I tried moving on but I miss the sex we had together, just the feeling of being intimate with someone, making love to someone because you care about them is something I cherish and miss. Fast forward a couple weeks later, I turn 18 in a week and decided to use a couple of hookup and dating apps just to feel like that again. I sent multiple pictures and said so many dirty words. There was this Transgender girl who was twice my age that I managed to hookup with and they asked my age at least twice and I had no problem lying to them and saying I was 18. We had sex.
After I finished, it set in what I'd done. I willingly lied to someone twice my age for sex just to feel good. I feel so dirty, I broke ties with them and haven't seen them since. I try to steer clear of hooking up and dating but I can't stop myself sometimes, I get so lonely and so needy and I cant shake this guilty feeling off. I'm doing my best to put this energy into other hobbies and et.c, but it'll get to point where I need it and it takes over me.
I really want to fucking die, I know all people do bad things but this is one thing that I can't come back from. I could've ruined someone's life all for a feeling.
Noone knows about this and this is something I'm taking to the grave
Don't beat yourself up we are not perfect, and you went after something you needed. My girlfriend cheated when we were dating, I was so hurt played it off.
She said she needed space, so we split up. I went off and started fucking chicks left and right even catching a disease then hooked up with my ex and gave it to her and she gave it to her new boyfriend. They split up and I just kept fucking her making her my cumdumster.