Curiosity to Fascination to Fantasy to #1 on my Bucket List

I guess it's a kink. Idk why this attracts me so much....but here goes: I wanna be beat up, man handled, overpowered, and totally outskilled by a cute, fit, fun, chic who is in wqy more superior shape than me, has wind for days, a sick sadistic imagination, doesn't mind at all that I'm not as strong as her. In fact, a woman who LOVES being stronger, enjoys doing it, and is spontaneous, flirtatious, and talks alot of shit to me, teasing me, taunting me, eggs me on, and encourages me to challenge her in combat all the time...and always ALWAYS wins. She's got to be in to it too. But idk how to bring it up. I've kept this a secret my whole life. I brought it up a little bit when I was in middle school, and got made fun of and called gay because I like muscles on a female. So as my attraction to muscular women developed, in became more about examining their physical power over me. It's hot to me when women are good at stuff. If they are smarter, faster, a good hustler, good at basketball, fighting, etc. So, somewhere, that quirk meets femimine stereotypes...like guys are stronger than girls, and so forth. And here's the thing. Looking back as far as I can, the earliest I can remember feeling that way was being a child and Kiana Tom's Flex Appeal would come on in USA about 5 in the morning and my mind being blown that women even worked out to that extent. It's soo hot to me. The lifestyle, the constant constance, the tenacity, the self esteem, and it would make me wonder wat her thoughts would be, wat would drive a woman to beef up like that? I think it's SEXY AF.. and I'm not alone on tha matter, but I feel like I am. Its people that fuck feet and shit....people coming out of the closet everyday that they're gay....but tha few times I brought it up amongst my peers in the recent few years it was met with odd looks, half smiles, and a weird air. So I kept it to myself. Now here's were it gets crazier. I've never even seen a chic with muscles. Maybe a skinny girl bicep or 2, or a slight glimpse of their arms form of wat it could be were they were to pursue it, when they put their hair up or straighten it. It's hypnotizing. I'm from a small town in TX with 2 stop lights. I've only seen chic like tha ones Im describing on the internet Machine. Yeah I don't even watch sex porn....it's all mixed wrestling and such...wtf right? And the thing about that is, were I to find a woman like this, I would t even WATCH porn. I've never even touched a hard bicep. Never seen a girl as my fantasy suggests, and it feels gay to touch a dudes. Or ask to ask to feel. I have bad genes and could never really get big or cut, and then I fucked my rotator cup up in my shoulder in prison lifting weights. That was in 2014. Here it is 2023 and it's never gonna happen. I'm too damn shy to try to shoot my shot at one if I was sitting next to one on a plane. I stutter, and getting mad, excited, and women all make me stutter worse. Idk why it jus always those things. And a woman like tha one I describe I don't know if I could get a sentence out. Then, it's like, gotta meet a muscle girl, and hit it off...and then like, somehow get around to the obvious. She would be aware of how she looks, so she would HAVE to know that her fitness is a turn on and wat draws me to her....but them she's gotta be cool too. I'm a one woman guy and ... well, since Im. Wishing for her, might as well wish for her as my queen. But I'm not opposed to a chic who needs a sparring partner or someone to tumble and grapple with. As a 6 ft 2 200 pound man with next to no fighting/wrestling experience...I'd make a good training dummy. I love the head talk tho. The mental fuckery of tha concept. Losing to a girl, despite giving it my all, welcomes a sea of emotions....so many and at the same damn time, flooding in and out...I mean, I imagine. And also the complete opposite, victorious side of things the lady would experience....I'm sure it's similar to a high of sorts. Here I am almost 40 in 2 months. I have no game, I'm not a fuckboy, I haven't had sex in almost 3 years. I'm mainly focused on the relationhip w my 5 yr old boy anymore these days. I tend to put everybody else first before myself, so at this point in my life it would be a detrimental distraction to wat I'm attempting to accomplish within me and my place in the world. I'm gonna end up probably paying a chic...a session girl, is wat they're called...they have them, as close as Houston, 65 miles down the road. It's wat its gonna end up being I suppose if it's ever gonna happen. I been trying to find women like these online, but 95 percent of them don't even drop the messenger ball. And I'm so not a creep or a pervert or NONE of that smh. I just want a girl that can beat me up easily and likes to every now and again. Is that too much to ask? There's GOT to be chic that are into it too....the Dom side of it.

But strictly physical strength. None of that ball busting or sissy shit or leashes or lickingshoes or nothing degrading. Where are these females at? They are definitely rare. Tha sights and pages I visit, it's 90 percent dudes looking for a chic to do em like that. ...but where are all the chips looking for dudes to DO like that??? Man idk. But this is something that is in my head and on my mind at LEAST 6 HOURS a day, every day. I've successfully made myself a little box, now I've climbed inside of it and shut the door. And doing so has....idolized this kink....put it up on an unrealistic, unattainable pedestal .. and now I'm sure id be star stricken if ever came face to face with my fantasy.

Really, I jus wish a muscle chic would see ME and invest interest in ME. That'd be SOOOO much easier would it? What do I do???

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