Becoming bi

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- Out of the Closet -
Bi-Sexual Male / 49
Becoming Bi Part 1
I came out to myself as bisexual sometime in the last year. (Also to my wife, but I don't know if she believes me.) So I've been looking back and wondering whether I was always bisexual, or whether my sexuality changed from straight to bi, and if so, what caused it.

To keep things legit, I have to start the story when I was 18, but I'll just note there were a few signs before that. I was still a virgin at 18, and scared of sex. I wanted it badly, I loved masturbating, frequently, especially to Playboy, using Vaseline or Aveeno. But when an opportunity would come up to fuck a real girl, I would chicken out. So I was apparently heterosexual, but unconsummated. There were some ways that I did not feel quite straight. For one thing, I had a crush on at least one guy, although I did not think of it that way at the time, and would have denied it. Also, I shaved my pubic hair for the first time around then, and don't remember what possessed me to do so, but it felt right. It felt a little gay to me, definitely arousing, and I loved the look and feel (and still do today -- I'm lasered actually), but I was worried about what women would think, so I just trimmed it short. I also experimented with anal penetration -- I wondered why gay men liked being fucked in the ass, so one day I experimented with a finger and some Vaseline... and gained some understanding. One finger was plenty at first, but two felt pretty great once I got used to it.

I lost my virginity when I was 20. I should have experimented more after that. But I gained some experience with good old heterosexual sex, loved it of course, and got pretty good at oral sex. I had a tendency toward premature ejaculation, which was a source of distress for a long time, but I could make a girl cum without using my cock.

I REALLY wish I could remember trying to suck my own cock for the first time, but it was by the time I was 22, because I remember a stretch of a few weeks when I did it every night. I also really wish I could remember tasting my own cum for the first time. I know I went through the usual pattern of getting horny and wanting to try it, then losing interest as I ejaculated... but going through with it a few times, and then the memory of doing it making me horny again. I know I had swallowed cum by the time I was 22, because I remember a stretch of a few weeks when I did it almost every night. :) Obviously, with my cock head between my lips, it was just easiest to cum in my mouth and drink it down, rather than mess around with tissues and such.

In my mid- to late twenties, I was looking for porn on the internet and came across a collection of cock pictures. Some were shaved, some were cumming. I started to come back to the collection, focusing on my favorites. And that was the first time I masturbated to "gay" porn. And from that point, I grew more and more comfortable jerking off while looking at hard cocks.

My wife and I experimented a bit with toys, and she had a decent sized vibrating but realistic-looking dildo. We were going to move to another city, and she didn't want to pack it, so she left it to me to throw away. But I didn't, at least not right away. As soon as I had a chance to be alone in the house, I lubed up that dildo and started easing it into my ass, eventually getting the whole thing in -- balls-deep. It felt amazing. Then I turned on the vibrator and almost came right then and there.

At this point, I had had romantic and sexual relationships with women... but I had had crushes on men, I loved shaving my body, I loved looking at cocks while I stroked my own, I had swallowed loads of my own cum, and I was experimenting with anal pleasures. I told myself that I was "bicurious", if I admitted anything to myself at all.

Over time, I developed an exhibitionist streak. Not many women seem to want to watch men masturbate, but a hell of a lot of men do. I started watching guys on chaturbate, trying to get them off, encouraging them to cum. Then I signed up as a performer myself, back when you could do it anonymously. I found it difficult at first; either I couldn't stay hard, or I would cum too quickly. Then I discovered dirtyroulette and got better at it. One of the hottest times I had was jerking off with another guy, then cumming about half a load, and licking it up. He about lost his mind with lust. But I've had to give that up; it's too addictive and compulsive. (I am, for certain reasons, hypersexual.)

Lately I've gotten into wearing slutty underwear. Not women's underwear, but men's thongs, g-strings, mesh, and crotchless underwear. My wife doesn't seem to mind.

Sometimes I masturbate for an hour, or even an hour and a half, sometimes two long sessions a night. And sometimes I look at women, and sometimes I look at men, thinking about what it would be like to suck a cock for real (I can still suck myself off, in fact better than ever), or to get fucked, or both at the same time. I love MMF scenarios where the female is dominant, and I really get off on bi encouragement porn. I love watching guys (and girls) cum, but oddly I'm not that into watching men have sex without a woman being involved, and I'm not attracted to trans.

So I have finally accepted that I'm not straight, and not merely curious. I'm out to myself, and to my wife, although I'm not sure she believes it. I want to fuck and be fucked by both sexes, because I am open-minded and have a fierce libido. I don't plan to tell anyone, but I would be honest about it if asked for some reason. Maybe some day I'll lose the other half of my virginity, but I'm not counting on it. And that's OK.