I don't know if i can stop

Today I took a new step.... I am a straight male w a girlfriend and have never had any sexual encounter with a another male, but I want to confess this, I read confessions on here daily and and usually have my cock and balls in a pump while doing it, I love edging and seeing my cock and balls super plump. I'm normally just under 7" but can pump up to 8" For the last few months I've been spending time in the shower training my ass to take larger and larger toys. I clean myself with an enema and use lots of coconut oil for lube. I then lay on my back and use dildos with suction cups on them and stick them just above the drain, laying on my back with my legs up on the wall i slide onto the dildo, and placing my hands above my head i then push down on it, with coconut oil on my back i slide back and forth real easy. I encourage anyone reading this to try it... this weekend i got a new toy its about 8 in long but only 6 1/2 inches of length fits because of the balls on it. but it has a 6 1/2 inch thick radius. It takes a little while but i can take the whole thing but when i'm fucking my ass my cock never gets hard it almost seems like it turtles, although i get real close to hands free orgasm. just hasn't happened yet.... when i masturbate i love my pre cum but after i actually cum i get post cum guilt and i'm never able to eat my whole load... I've also been training my throat to deep throat but i think i've maxed out at 1.8' wide and about 8" deep. my teeth just wont go any wider. when i do this i tell myself I'm a good little Faggot and give myself lots of positive reinforcement. I don't know if i can ever actually act on this but i love knowing a can pretty much handle most guys in my mouth or ass, i just don't have an interest in guys, but I Crave Cock...... here's where the new step comes in. occasionally i like to going to the adult theater and watching movies in the little booths .... i don't touch myself i just get nude and have my cock tied up while i sit there. I so want to just get on my hands and knees with my ass to the door and have it available for someone to just walk in and start fucking it while i never look up at them. just hand them a condom and as soon as they cum take it off and tie it in a knot to save it for me to take with me as a trophy...but when I'm there i see the guys lurking around and they all kinda gross me out so i doubt it'll ever happen. But today when i was i the booth i turned on the flash light on my phone and looked around the booth to see if there was any cum. and sure enough in the little trash can there was a lot of liquid in a small pool... and it looked fresh. so i took my fingers and scooped some up to smell and it smelled nice, so i tasted it. i cupped as much as i could in my hand and let it drip into my mouth... it was a lot it may have been more than one load, no way of knowing who it came from or what they looked like, and because i never came i was able to enjoy its sweet taste without guilt... i wanted so bad to just take the plastic bag out and rip a hole i the bottom and squeeze it into my mouth and all over myself but that was a little to much for now...there... that's my confession. has anyone else ever done anything similar?

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