Obsessed with Anal

I am a married man with kids and grandkids. And this is my desire. At 13 one of my older cousins talked me into fucking him in the ass. The deal was he would let me fuck him, if I let him fuck me. I didn’t want to, but he kept at it until he convinced me to try. With a little lube, and lots of patience I did fuck him and it was really good! When I was done, he did try to fuck me, but was never able to. We did it a few more times with me fucking him, and him still not able to penetrate me. He did find out that he really liked taking it in the ass. After this I would fuck him quite often over the next couple of years. We were not around each other much after that, and it never happened again. I have wondered for years what it must feel like to have a nice cock in your ass! My cousin sure loved it. He didn’t just lay there and take it, he would moan and groan and urge me to fuck him harder and was always working his ass trying to get more dick! I didn’t really know any better at the time, but he was one good fuck! I also often wondered why we never sucked each other off either! That would have been fun! I explored anal with my first wife. I loved eating out, fingering, and fucking her ass and she would let me do it whenever I wanted. My first oral with a man was during a three way with my first wife and a friend, he offered to suck me if I would do the same, just till we get hard again. Not sure if it was because she was there or what, but I just didn’t get into it. I often thought of approaching him to see if we could try it with just he and I, but was scared he might think I was gay or something.
As porn became available on the internet, I started watching bi and gay porn. This just drove my desires more. I still jerk off to bi/gay porn just as much as strait porn. I got my chance a few years ago with a coworker while hanging out and having a few drinks after work one evening. Not sure how it got there, but the topic turned to sex, and before I knew it we were sucking and playing with each other’s cocks! We met up a few times after, but then he moved to another location. On our last time together I was laying on top of him rubbing my hard cock on his. I was so turned on, and I really wanted to slide up and lower my ass down on his hard cock! I didn’t have any condoms, and I wasn’t going to do it without one, but I was already planning to talk to him about it before we got together again. I don’t know if I really like sucking dick, but just like with a woman I love watching their expressions as they approach and proceed through their orgasm! I want this same experience with anal. I want to find a clean healthy man, suck him until he is nice and hard, then lay back and let him enter me. I want him to start slow and build momentum as he enjoys my body. I want watch his body as it flexes and beads of sweat break out on him as he is trying to get more cock up my ass. I want to fuck my ass back at him, letting him know that I am his. I want to look deep into his eyes as the pressure gets unbearable and he explodes deep in my ass. I don’t just want a fuck, I want to make love to him.

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