I want it to happen again
Ever since we were little, my sister and I had a very strong connection. I can't really put it into words. However, that special connection grew into other aspects of our lives as we became older, and little by little, that included sex.
It was innocent enought at first, like little pecks on the lips when we were alone (we started that when I was 12, she was 14). Those escalated a few months later, I remember very well one time when she just started using tongue out of nowhere. That was my first french kiss. She just apologised saying she got carried away, but I told her it was okay and that I enjoyed it. Even if we knew it was wrong, this sort of thing never felt off for us, don't ask me why, we were just very drawn to each other. Next time we let it happen, it wasn't just the kissing: we were rubbing against each other. The time she had a big break up at age 17, what began as mere hugs to make her feel better came dangerously close to full on sex.
by the time i was 18, we couldn't take our hands of each other at home. I don't know about her since i never asked, but I lost my virginity to her. It was an intoxicating connection once it happened, feeling her was a very intense experience, not only extremely pleasant... something inside our sould clicked. we lied to our parents that summer, saying we'd go to summer camp so they could go off on vacation on their own, just so we could have the house for ourselves. we spent days watching movies, walking around the house naked, having sex until we were sore. sometimes very irresponsibly: she wasn't on the pill, and we were so horny that we carried on even after we ran out of condoms. yes, i came inside my own sister more than once, and at least to my knowledge nothing happened.
or so i thought. one day, out of the blue, she told me that she loved me, that she had really enjoyed the experience, but that we had to stop for good. we became kinda distant after that, pretending it was all ok in front of family and friends, but rarely speaking to each other in private. it's been 2 years or so that i've spent longing for her body and her love. i've had sex with other girls, but it just isn't the same.
then one day, i overheard two of my sister's friends talking about "that one time they went with my sister to an abortion clinic"... 2 years ago. I couldn't hear who had the abortion, but when you connect the dots...
I feel like I should talk to her, but I'm not even sure if 1) she wants to, and 2) if it was really hear having the abortion.