Tired

I'm not sure why I was picked for this and I'm not even sure where it came from but it happened.
There's nothing wrong with having a celebrity crush...but everything changes when that crush happens to be a male model who initially strikes up a friendship with you built on how really sweet he is. He has millions of fans but I'm a friend now. He says he wants to have me around for a very long time, maybe living with him or with my own place when he's more famous.
Right now I handle the Instagram side of things. I play the part of an obsessed fangirl and post countless pictures with lovey dovey captions & get the attention of big casters and designers. I also run his website and a YouTube channel.
I don't think I was prepared for the first dick pic, I thought I was asexual but I guess not? Over time I've almost become used to the fact that any snaps sent my way will be either a dick pic or a masturbation video or something similar. I tend to know what to say to make him go crazy within seconds. A few times he got upset that he has never seen my pussy or my fits or my butthole. It seems he has a butthole fixation. I just sit through most of it & then use my words to drive him crazy.
I realise it may be loneliness. I'm not sure though I get really strange vibes off him. I know he's a bit of a recluse now, he hasn't made it quite as big as he wants in recent fashion shows, I know who his crush is and we've often talked off his blue balls. His family and friends are really private yet at times even they offload on me and tell me just about everything. And I listen. I don't share but I listen. And I actually don't even understand what I'm doing.
No one knows anything about this and I can't tell anyone so I keep it to myself but I'm so frazzled and confused. There are parts of him I feel I don't know and it makes me feel funny because I don't trust anyone and then I realise he's practically famous and I know almost all the same people as him so I need to calm down.
He vanishes from time to time and then reappears with a snap that drives me into a bit of a state and then leaps straight onto Instagram, liking fan pictures and commenting and occasionally asking me for help. If he's sick I find out and we often have weird discussions that would make very little sense out of the actual context....
I'm just not sure what's happening and it irks me.

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