Craig's List Love

In a truly rare moment of weakness I answered the "casual encounters" Craig's List ad of a traveling businessman in town for the night. After a single brief e-mail exchange and without any conversation, I agreed to come to his hotel room. He opened the door and I knew he was older than me - but he asked me if I liked to have my pussy licked and when the easy answer was yes, he told me to go into the next room, take off my clothes and get between the sheets. I'm still pretty shocked that I did it. I can remember laying there for what seemed like forever wondering what I had just done. But then he climbed into bed with me - and everything was just so right. He made me cum over and over again - but it was between sessions when he just held me in his arms - softly kissing the back of my neck as he caressed my breasts that I think I fell for him. He swears that I gave him the best blow job of his life that night. I think he enjoyed opening up to me and talking to me about his life. When I went to leave - he couldn't understand why. But I didn't want to overstay my welcome. Before I arrived home - he'd told me how much I meant to him and how he needed to see me again. In the days and weeks that followed - I found out that he lived in Texas, was in a sexless marriage and that he was actually 30 years older than me! I was 39, and he was 69. I've never been with a married man before - and I felt terrible about it - I don't want to ever do that again. But we'd become friends and because he had no real connection to his wife - he so quickly came to depend on me. I knew that a 30 year age difference was an impossible hurdle - so although I agreed to see him again - I assumed that it would go nowhere. Additionally, he had to undergo prostrate surgery before he could come to Cleveland again. But he called me as soon as he'd made it through, then he made a quick recovery and was at my door. He suffered with complete ED prior to this - so he knew he could never get hard enough to fuck me. But following the surgery he lost his ability to cum and even to really orgasm at all. He still loved how I'd suck him - but our first time had really been his last time. I wish I'd known, I regret leaving that night. I know he fantasized about that night, reliving it over and over again, every single day from then on. His sex drive was constant and never diminished. If he wasn't sucking at my tits (which he absolutely adored) his tongue was doing things which I had never experienced before. We'd go back and forth pleasuring each other for hours - all night long. I still don't totally understand how it all happened - I knew this was crazy. But the next thing I knew - I loved him. He was a grouchy, racist, old man - but he was also my best friend. One time he drove from Dallas Texas to my door - without stopping! And he was 70 years old! Of course, we struggled at times but he kept coming back. I told him that I wanted a real relationship and I think that broke his heart. I meant it - I needed something real and yet I couldn't let him go. A year just flew by. We talked everyday and I worried that I might never be able to give him up.

And - Then - all of a sudden - he was gone.

I don't know the details of his death - but his last text was that he loved me. I miss him so much. It's so hard to grieve a secret love who no one ever met and few people even knew existed.

I don't know where to go from here?
I don't want long distance, married, or 30 years older - but I do long for that loving companionship which I lost.

I can't believe I just typed up - it's a story that I've carried untold for months now. I don't know if you can help me, but it feels good to get it out of my head.

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