Account Login
On ThePornDude Hall-of-Fame
My Husband Found Out I Was Very Promiscuous In College
My husband recently, accidentally found out I was very promiscuous in college and that one time I was with two different guys in the same day. He was pretty mad when he found out but I also think he was somewhat turned on by it. I don’t know what to do?
I am 44 years old and have been married to my husband for 10 years. Obviously, when we met and he married me, he knew I had been with other men and that I was no virgin. But, he recently, accidentally found it I have been with A LOT of other men, starting from a pretty young age – 16. He never asked me about this and I never told him or lied to him about it. But, he’s pretty mad right now. What’s weird is that I think he’s also kind of turned on by it?
He accidentally overheard me talking with an old girlfriend from my college days about one day in particular when I was with two guys in the same day. I was a freshman in college and 18 years old. I went away to school and had a new boyfriend at college, a somewhat older guy (he was 25 years old) and my high school boyfriend (he was 20) back at home. Each of these two guys knew about the other guy and were OK with that, as long as they had me all to themselves whenever I was at college (the new boyfriend) or a home (my high school boyfriend). Well, one day I ended up being with both of them in the same day. This only happened once and I actually felt kind of bad and ashamed about it afterwards.
I was getting ready to go home for the weekend. I would take a train home and it was about a 3-hour ride. My new college boyfriend was going to drop me off at the train station. Well, we ended up taking a “little detour” along the way. We were a bit early for the train and my college boyfriend took a little detour to a secluded parking lot near the train station. As soon as he turned into the parking lot I knew what he wanted. He pulled into the far corner of the lot and we started to make out. His hands were all over by body (as usual). I had a skirt on and he managed to take my tights and panties off. I was wet and I wanted him. He fingered me, I went down on him for a while, and then I straddled him and he entered me. We did it for about 15 minutes. I know I came, I always did with him, and so did he (like he always did). I was on the pill and he didn’t wear a condom. I slipped my panties and tights back on and took the train home. The ride home was a “little messy” as his sperm leaked out of me into my panties.
When I got home, I changed and freshened up a little. But, I didn’t shower or douche or anything. A few hours later I went out on a date with my high school boyfriend. At the end of the date we went “parking” in his car and one thing led to another. Well, we ended up with the front seat reclined, me on my back legs spread, and him inside of me. I didn’t enjoy this time so much because I was a little sore from earlier and I had a little trouble getting wet. But, my high school boyfriend enjoyed it. After about 15 minutes he came in me. He didn’t wear a condom either. So, at the end of the night, I had sperm from two different guys up in me. Afterwards I did feel a little bit like a tramp. My high school boyfriend never knew he was getting “sloppy seconds” that day. But, I did end up confessing to my college boyfriend what I had done.
Anyway, that’s the only time anything like that happened. And me, the two guys, and my girlfriend are the only people that know about this – until my husband overheard me and my girlfriend taking about it.
Later that day my husband confronted me about what he had heard and was really mad. I was pretty embarrassed and ashamed by it. A few hours later he wanted sex, so I gave it to him. He was very, very aggressive with me. It was almost like he “took” me. He wanted to be in my mouth and wanted sex in a variety of positions – me on my back, my on top, me on my stomach, doggie style. He finished with anal, which we almost never do (I really don’t like it). But, he wanted to come in me “back there” so I let him.
I am not sure what to do now? Should I talk to my husband more about this or just let it go if he doesn’t bring it up again?
Christine M.
He’s probably acting on some things he’s wanted to do for a long time but didn’t think you’d go for it. Now he has a feeling you’re way more sexually adventurous than he ever dreamed and he’s taking advantage of the situation. I have a feeling my wife was very promiscuous before we got together. I’d love to know more but she won’t discuss it.
My fiancée knows there were a lot of guys before him, even some details. We had a discussion about it and I think he's accepting it. He even want's sex more often now.
You wasn't married at the time so I would say just forget about it and never be the one that brings it up. I am 23 years of age and have had well over 100 different guys as many as five different guys in a 24 hour period and I never tell anyone of me having sex with another.
I am now going steady with a guy of my dreams and for the past month it's only been him inside of me and last night he asked for my hand in marriage and tonight I am going to give him my answer. YES
Just curious if he doesn’t know about your past now but say in 2 years or 10 an innocent comment by a friend about the 100 guys you’ve been fucked by brings your past to the very present. Sure you were not with him then and you were free to fuck anyone and everyone you wanted (which it sounds like you did). What if he thought you were only with a couple of guys? Do you think he may feel lied to or cheated out of the person he thought you were? I’ve read that an omission of truth is the same as a lie. What will you tell him? Get over it? It’s none of his business? Your past is your past? But now it’s in the here and now.
Keep us updated, interested to know what unfolds:
My husband continues to be upset about this. I can tell things are different between us sexually. He now mostly want to be in my mouth - sometimes "finishing" in there without asking first. When we have regular sex it's now almost always from behind - doggie style (which I really don't mind). But, he's more and more wanting "butt sex." He will have regular sex with me long enough for me to cum and then ask "Is it OK if I finish in your butt Baby?" I feel like he's treating me like a tramp now.
Christine M.
I'd say you obviously know having that type of sex is his way of saying i think your'e trash and get this just out of frustration. I believe he is angry as at his age and being married for 10 years it's just not that easy to walk away for some people. I'd be so angry too finding out years later.
Although it was prior to meeting you which i completely understand but no man wants to find out his was probably cant even count how many men she had been with going by your (LOT) comment.
Keep us updated, interested to know what unfolds.
*no man wants to find out his wife probably cant even count how many men she had been with
If you want to keep your husband, get him another girl. Do mfm or fmf with your husband. Keep it honest.
The past is the past. Anything that you did prior to being with your husband shouldn't matter to him. If I were in his shoes yeah I'd be surprised and not necessarily happy but I'd get over it.
I have read so many articles on this and similar topics. It seems that almost exclusively women and female therapists say “it’s to her past and you don’t have to tell”. I have also read some female therapists say that open and honest communication is the best approach to a relationship. I tend to agree with this approach. If your SO can’t handle that you’ve been with many partners or went through a promiscuous phase then they may not be right for you. You may love each other but it’s better to end a relationship now versus 10 or 20 years of an unhappy marriage.
Christine, when you were 18 it sounds like you acted like a slut.
Actually...it's sex with consenting adults. Sounds like you had fun. Good for you. It's your body and life is short. Way too short to live on the fucking sidelines watching everyone else have fun. You did nothing wrong.
I would nearly completely agree with this statement, however when you enter into a relationship that looks to be turning into a long term relationship or even marriage you both have an obligation to each other to be open and honest. If your SO can’t handle your past then perhaps it is best to end the relationship rather than his the truth and hurt them or both of you in the long run.