I mess around with my first cousin

I am late 30's. My cousin is early 30's. I have had a weird sexual relationship with my cousin for about 7 years now. I am married. We have never had sex but have had sexual encounters many times usually kissing and fondling her chest. It never lasts long. One time I went down on her for a few minutes before she stopped it. We flirt when we see each other which is not very often anymore. I definitely lead the encounters but she plays along and usually stops it shortly after. A big tease some would say. When we are around family and friends you would never know it as we are able to act normal. Although at one point about 5 years my wife got upset that we were hanging around so much and has asked if we were having an affair (i ignored her question) and as recently stated "do you remember the time you had a crush on your cousin". I guess i use to hang around her too much when we lived close by but part of it was that yes i loved hanging around with my cousin but also i couldn't stand my wife (girlfriend at the time). I am pretty sure if i wasn't married my cousin and I would see each other all the time and would go on vacation together and would probably sleep together. In essence we would have a secret relationship as we have till now except we would be closer. But maybe not, maybe she would never allow that. I love her and love being around her but maybe I won't be if one day we actually do have sex? We are both working professionals in a big city. We are not farmers. Sometimes I think its weird but its possible there are more relationships out there than people know.

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