I've been looking at an old crush's photo while I use my prostate

At the start of this year I ended up getting heavily into prostate play; I went from owning zero prostate toys, to owning 5 of them.

Eventually I ended up with a habit where I spontaneously end up using the photo of an old crush (who I haven't seen in over a decade) during my prostate play sessions. I will have her photo fullscreen on my tv for an entire session. It’s not a constant thing, I actually go weeks or months without doing it, and I actually tend to have sessions without her photo more often. The urge to use her photos is honestly very sporadic, coming out of nowhere.

I can't really give a concrete answer as to why but I've come to admit that I actually love doing this. I love seeing the expression in her photo; it makes me feel like somehow she’s glad I’m experiencing the intense orgasms or feel like she's literally the reason why I'm having the orgasms. I just love looking at her face and moaning her name while I have prostate orgasms.

I have to admit the one thing I'm not enjoying is the fact that I'm doing all this while being in a relationship that I honestly am very happy with, I've even had prostate play sessions with my SO. I 100% know that I’ll never be with the old crush, and I don’t want to be with her but I really do just love using her photo in my prostate play sessions. When I do it, it feels amazing, yet afterward, I wonder a lot if I’m honestly just crazy and a terrible significant other.

Despite all those negative factors I still will admit that I love doing this and don’t want to stop.

Has anyone ever heard of or found themselves in a similar situation...? Does all this just make me crazy? Does it all just make me a terrible SO?

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