My mother and my problem

For many years I've done unimaginable things with my grandmother. We've done things that the average grandmother and grandson wouldn't dare to explore. With that said I'm older and my grandmother is long gone but my desires have not ended there. My sexual desires were more than fulfilled when she was still alive and I miss her so much. However I also had fantasies about my own mother who I never lived with. My father and mother divorced when I was a baby so custody was passed on to my father and grandmother. I always stayed in contact with her and we were always close just not like the way my grandmother was. My mom was always a party girl, everything had to be wild. When she visited she would immediately strip her clothes off and be completely naked. I always loved watching her move around, dancing, singing she was just beautiful. I was never inappropriate with her like the way I was with my grandmother. I don't really have many experiences with her intimately other than remembering laying on her naked chest as a small boy when it was time for bed. I wasn't looking at her sexually like I was looking at my grandmother. My fantasies about her happened late when I was probably 15-16. I remember we all went out somewhere and when we came back we were all exhausted hanging out in the kitchen. I was sitting at the table with my cousins but we were fully dressed at the time. I remember my mother wanted to sit down so I was going to get up to let her sit but she insisted that I stay seated and she would just sit on my lap. When she sat down it felt as if her ass Crack was placed perfectly on my dick. We were all talking but I kept feeling how soft her ass was and I couldn't help but feel the warmth of her pussy right through my thin sweatpants. Being drowned in Temptation was getting the best of me and before I knew it I was hard. So hard that she started to move around adjusting her pants and she grabbed it and let it go. I'm assuming she was trying to see if she was feeling what she thought she was feeling and she got a whole handful. She didn't get off my lap, she just stayed there and I was trying to figure out what was thinking about. Did she like what she felt, did she feel disgusted or disappointed that her son's dick is rock hard under her pussy? I couldn't tell, all I knew was she stayed on me talking to the family for another 20 minutes before she got off and went to the other room and got undressed. While she was undressing I can see her from the kitchen table and her nipples were hard. She turned around looked in my direction and noticed me watching her. She had a little grin on her face and with her lips and no sound told me she loves me. I couldn't take my mind off of her, ever since that moment. I've watched Mommy porn, MIL porn, grandmother porn and I've always pictured her doing it. I've fantasized about my mother for years never getting the chance to be with her. 1 year I ran into some financial problems and I had to leave my home. I called her up and asked if I could stay with her until I get back on my feet. She of course gladly accepted and I am currently living with her. I never lived with my mother and I kinda didn't want to because although she is my mom I didn't want to ruin my image of her. Now things were neutral around the house for a few months until 1 day I woke up and she was in the kitchen drinking coffee. I was drowsy and still trying to wake up but didn't notice my mom in the kitchen. Where she was sitting she has a clear view of the room I'm in. She also sees the noticeable hard on I had and this is where things get very interesting. You see it's been years since my mother seen me naked. It's 1 thing to see me when I was young and never hard around her but I'm a grown man now and fully erect. When I noticed that she is looking at me I smiled, waved at her and. She smiled and waved at me and I can tell she was looking at my erection. I walk into the kitchen, walking right up to her I gave her a kiss and when I pulled back I can see her looking at it as I'm turning to walk away. This happened many times the same way that it became normal. The most memorable 1 was I had just woken up and I'm looking at some porn while I try gathering enough energy to wake up. My mother who can hear my phone walks in and sits down on the bed. She starts talking to me about something and while she's talking I'm getting hard. The beauty of this is she can see me getting hard, blood rushing through my dick and I can't stop it. I can see her trying to talk to me but her eyes are focused on the hard dick now. She looks at me and tells me I should go to the bathroom and I did but this time I jerked off with the door wide open. She passed by but didn't say anything just kept walking. Like I said before, I've had many fantasies about my mother but I don't understand what happened. I've tried a few times but it just didn't work. 1 day I slept in her bed, literally spooned against her back. We were both naked and I tried to place my dick on her but it stayed soft. Another day I tried to jerk off next to her while she was sleeping, NOTHING. I've tried a few more times and I couldn't get hard no matter what I did. However if I wake up and she's looking at it I'm rock hard. I don't know what is wrong with me but I would love to know what you think

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