I watched my childhood friend have sex with my widowed mom

This is a true story which occurred a number of years ago now. I will not be using real names to help protect the identities of those involved. Still, as I think about it to this day, I feel a variety of emotions including guilt and sadness, but it also still turns me on & I think about it on a regular basis..

I grew up in a loving family. My parents worked hard to provide and give me as best a childhood as I could have asked for. There was an age-gap between my parents as my father was 17 years older than my mom. They had met back in the late 70s/early 80s when my father was a drummer in a band and my mother (& her best friend, who is now my godmother) used to follow the band around the pubs and clubs of the North East in the UK. Initially, my dad had not been interested, but as time wore on, my parents began to spend more time around each other & eventually moved in together. They then got married in 1984.

I was born in 1992 and like I said, I had a steady upbringing. When I was 7 or 8, we moved out of the city and into a town. I ended up moving schools and immediately felt like an outsider compared to the other kids who had grown up around each other, as well as in this rather small, suburban town. However, before long, I began talking to & got to know a local kid called Shaun (not his real name). Shaun's mom was a nurse and he came from a single-parent family. Because of his mom's career, Shaun spent a lot of time being brought up by his older sister, as well as his aunt who also lived nearby. I got to know Shaun pretty well and we soon became extremely good and close friends.

Shaun often would have to fend for himself when he was at home, so he soon ended up spending a lot of evenings and weekends at my house. We'd play video games and often used to spend time in the garden playing backyard wrestling (this was the early 00's, so as you can imagine, during the height of WWF/E wrestling). Nevertheless, we were just young, innocent kids enjoying ourselves and our friendship blossomed. As time went on, he became like a second son to my parents.. Something I know my parents would have liked.

As we began to grow & mature, Shaun worked countless jobs in order to save to go to College. He ended up going on to study and then graduate with qualifications in Business Management. I followed a different path and went to college to study Mechanical Engineering. Everything seemed to be going great in life until the summer of 2016 when my father suddenly passed away to lung cancer. The diagnosis was sudden and unexpected; he had fallen in the July of that year and was sent for scans in order to determine the damage. It was during these scans when they found cancerous cells, and it was terminal. When we asked how long he had, medical professionals gave him no longer than 6 months.

It didn't however take this long; my father unfortunately passed away to cancer in the September of 2017. He was 71 years old. This turned my life upside down and I went through a very dark phase and bout of depression. One day I'd feel ok, and then the next I'd not want to get out of bed. The whole grieving process really shook me up, as it did my mom. At the age of 52, my mom had lost her husband and best friend. She couldn't sleep well and was prescribed sleeping medication in order to combat this, but her drinking also began to increase and she was using the sensations of alcohol to numb her pain and help get her through the day.

I made my way back to the North East and before long, I'd arranged to catch up with Shaun who was now working in a local College as a tutor. At the age of 25, he'd done well for himself, and although he'd been through a nasty relationship breakdown 6-8 months previously, he was extremely focused on his career and was content with his stance in life.

We met up in the city and went to a couple of pubs to catch up. As the night went on, and we were fairly buzzed, I offered that he could stay in the spare room at my mom's for the night as it wasn't as far for him to travel and/or catch a taxi which would have amounted to the best part of £80. It was a Friday, so no need to rush back & in the morning, we could arrange a lift for him to get back to his flat safely. He said ok and we shared the fare back to my mom's. Because I was only intending to be in the area for a week or two, I had asked to stay at my mom's as opposed to paying for a hotel.

We got back and my mother was in the living room. She had fallen asleep on the couch with the TV on, so we ventured into the garage (which had been converted into an extra lounge/living room years previously). I opened a a couple of cans of beer and we sat reminiscing and watching a bit of late-night TV. I don't know what came over me; maybe it was a combination of the alcohol and the grief that I was feeling (thus I wasn't 100% thinking straight), or maybe it was just a moment of madness, but brashly, I asked Shaun: "Would you dare kiss my mom if I gave you £20?"

He flat-out refused. He said that my mom had been like a second mother to him and he'd feel extremely guilty. Growing up, I'd never had any incestual or cuckold thoughts, nor had I seen or watched anything to indicate these intimate feelings or urges, but in that moment, like I said, it was more than likely the alcohol and grief talking - I eventually talked him round to it. We got up, went into the living room and my mom was still asleep - this had happened before & even within the last few days of being there, I'd had to carry her to bed on one occasion as her prescribed medication had been knocking her out for six. Shaun was afraid that even getting near to her would be enough to wake her up, but I told him that she had been drinking and that everything would be ok.

The next moment is truthfully one that is and has been ingrained in my mind for the last eight years - with my mom sunk into the couch, asleep and drunk, Shaun put a hand on the nearside arm of the couch and the other on the back rest, leaned down and pecked my mother on the lips. There was a moment of hesitation and he pulled back and asked me if I was ok with this. I said I was and I wanted him to be ok with it as well. I'm not sure what I was thinking, but the thought of my childhood best friend being with my own mother was beginning to overwhelm me at this point.

"I can't do this, it doesn't feel right" he said.
"Mate, are you horny?" I replied.
"Yes, I suppose so. But this is your mom. You've not long lost your dad."
"Everybody has their needs. I'm giving you a free pass mate. Some would bite my hand off for this" I said.

We were both drunk & we were both horny. I hadn't even considered the consequences had my mother awoken at that time, but considering the strong medication she had been prescribed, as well as the amount she had been drinking, I allowed it to happen.. I look back now and truthfully wish I hadn't. I do still feel guilty and saddened by what happened that night.

I sat back on the sofa opposite the coffee table and couch on the opposing side of the open-plan kitchen/diner/living room where my mom was laid. Shaun, still in a similar crouching stance he had been previously again leaned down and pressed his lips against my mother. I began to feel my erection through my blue jeans as I sat and for some reason watched my friend, a guy I had known for the best part of 17-18 years slowly part my own mother's lips with his tongue. Here it was, right in front of my eyes - a 25 year old guy ploughing his tongue down the throat of my mother.

He unzipped his trousers and before doing anything else, he again turned and glanced at me. Again, I could tell that he was extremely anxious, but I reassured him that everything was ok. The next 15-20 minutes is an absolute blur & one that keeps haunting me, even to this day. For what felt like an eternity, but at the time turned me on, I watched and allowed my best friend to remove my mother's jogger-bottoms and proceed to go down on her. She was unkept and untrimmed, but Shaun surely wasn't thinking straight by this point and being a drunk, horny and testosterone-filled 25 year old (as well as getting the "all-clear" from me moments ago) began eating her out.

My mom's body began responding and Shaun told me she was wet. We were at the point of no return now - as if what had happened so far hadn't been enough, what was to come would change all of our lives forever; and it has. Despite my mom being unkept, I saw a rawness in Shaun's eyes which I've not seen from any friend in any situation ever - an urge and a need. For the next 20 minutes, I watched my best friend, a childhood friend of more than 17 years have sex with my own mother. I didn't watch moments of what occurred, but I can still recall the sounds - the noise of cushion rustling under body weight, the sound of skin against skin & the sound of juices being leaked and squashed under friction and movement. After it was over, we both tried our best to clean up the mess, I took my mother upstairs and got her into bed, and then I went to my room and crashed almost immediately.

That night will forever be a memory. I look back and sometimes feel guilt and sadness, but I don't speak of it publicly. Neither me or Shaun do. He is now married and has been for the last 3 years, and I'm comfortable and settled with my partner in our own house. My mom is still around and has a Border Collie to now keep her company. She recalls aching the next day, but I don't go into details about what I allowed to happen. It's honestly for the best that way. I would honestly like to say that I don't wish for it to ever, ever happen again.